Awaking Dusk
by Anna Marie Masen
Summary: Set from the end of ECLIPSE. Although i like Breaking Dawn, it was never what i thought was going to happen... so i decided to write down my own one! Alot of Drama, death and some funny bits! Give it a chance ... Please review.
1. Tank vs Vamp

_This is set after Eclipse... it is from Bella's Perspective, inless otherwise stated... _

_Please review ... it will make me update faster if i think people are enjoying it and waiting on some more... :)_

_Enjoy!_

**_Chapter one - Tank vs. Vamp_**

How could I have let that moronic, overreacting, overprotective fool buy me this stupid ostentatious car! I had been yelling nothing but insults inside my head since this morning when Edward decided to surprise me with 'the before' car. I had been very aware of his strange behavior since I finally agreed to marry him, knowing that he was planning something he knew I wouldn't like but I never dreamed of this. Somehow, when I went to get into my truck yesterday it was mysteriously not working, the engine didn't even try to roar at me, not even a stutter. I had insisted for nearly two hours that we call someone to come look at it before he had finally agreed. I could see a plan building inside his head during our entire spat and when he finally gave in he tried to look beaten but I could see the victory swimming in his eyes. There was only one person I had thought of to call but my mechanic, my ray of light in the darkness, was no longer talking to me or anyone. After he had finally healed after our last battle against Victoria - I shivered just thinking about her flaming red hair that matched the blood red eyes that always glared in my direction every time she made an appearance in one of my overly vivid nightmares, perfectly matching the way she had watched me the day in the meadow - Jacob had decided that Forks was no longer the place for him. I was certain that I was the main cause of his new found hatred for this place, I had never meant to hurt him, I had even tried to tell him that I was still in love with Edward and that we wouldn't be but he just kept on fighting for me, ignoring my constant attempts to stop him. I could never stay mad at Jacob for too long, I owed him too much but since the day he took off I had wished that I would have been strong enough to leave him before I could have hurt him so bad, it didn't help every time I saw one of the Missing Person flyers Charlie had been hanging off of everything possible. No, I couldn't call on my favorite mechanic, he was no longer my mechanic, or my anything.

Eventually, Edward had agreed but with a compromise. Rosalie was the best in town, probably in the state and so I had given in, not wanting to hurt Rosalie's feelings once he had announced loudly that she should look at it. If we had been anywhere else it would have been fine but no it had to have been parked outside the Cullen's house after another one of my 'sleepovers' with just the girls. If Charlie really knew that all of the Cullen's apart from Edward had only just returned from a long night of hunting, he would definitely shoot Edward and maybe me as well. Rosalie had spent the whole of five seconds glancing at the engine, when she smirked and shook her head. She turned staring at Edward, the smirk growing larger and I knew she was privately chatting to him. How could they honestly think that I wouldn't have noticed that tiny motion of Edward raising his head slightly, confirming an answer to her question. I glared at both of them and the two of them put on their best angelic innocent expressions.

Turning now to look at me "Sorry Bells, your truck has lived a long life but its old and it just wants to rust in peace" Rose shrugged, one blink and she was gone. I turned on Edward. I knew he had something to do with this, he had been trying to talk me around to letting go of the truck for ages now, in fact it had been the only argument we had seemed to have recently.

"what?" he enquired, his innocent expression didn't fool me.

"you know what!" I sneered at him. "What did you do to it?" he looked offended and shook his head in the negative. "Edward Masen Cullen, if I find out you did something to my truck, I swear I will hurt your stupid shiny Volvo!" full of threat, pronouncing each syllable. His innocent expression turned into one of victory and he shrugged, smirking as he turned away and headed for the house. If he really wanted to play, I knew exactly the thing to threaten, his precious baby. "And that's only to begin with" I muttered, he froze, straightening up but didn't turn to look at me. "Once I'm finished with the damage I WILL inflict on your pretty Aston Martin" I said its name slowly, watching him spin and race back to me before a quarter of a single second had passed. "the dead truck will be worth more" he had lowered his head to my height and was glaring into my eyes, as I glared back into the deep onyx.

We stood like this for a long few seconds before he finally spoke, he had obviously been measuring the reality of my threat. His voice was deep and brooding, full of his own threat "You wouldn't dare."

I laughed a short huff and he pulled his head back, his glare was suddenly colored with worry. I raised an eyebrow at him. "Tell me now and I wont hurt it" by now the rest of the Cullen's were fully aware of the confrontation and had all come out to watch, Emmett's booming laugh seemed to fill the entire space around the house and he came to stand behind me, placing a hand on my left shoulder.

Jasper suddenly appeared behind Edward, glancing at me, his expression changing rapidly from one to another. "Your serious!" he stated in an unbelieving tone. I didn't take my eyes off of Edward, but a hint of a smirk touched my lips.

"Can I help?" Emmett whispered in my ear and Edward let out a huge growl in our direction. Emmett laughed and I couldn't help but join in.

I noticed Alice dancing over to us, folding her hand into Jasper's. Her eyes were cold and distant, all of a sudden Edward flinched and his expression turned to one of disgust as he looked away from me. It was clear what Alice had shown him and I was extremely impressed by the apparent damage I could cause to a vehicle. "Sledge hammer, nice!" Alice laughed as she high-five'd me. Edward flinched again before turning, pleading clear on his face.

"What did you do to my truck?" I said slowly, exaggerating each word.

"Oh fine" he let out a big sigh "Rosalie fix her damn truck" he ordered as he turned and stormed away. A few seconds passed as I watched him huffing as he walked towards the lake, sulking. Finally letting his legs bend beneath him, he began throwing small stones skimming across what I had up to now assumed was too small of a lake to do that to.

"I don't know why you would want to fix it" she said under her breath as she walked past. Seconds was all it took before she closed the hood and bounded for the door.

"Thanks Rose" I smiled at her and she barely nodded back. I looked at Jasper, watching him watch Edward, understanding painted every feature on his face. "Why did he do that?" I whispered, mainly to myself under my breath but I was hoping Jasper might enlighten me.

For the first time since he protected me in Phoenix from James, Jasper walked over to me, taking my hand. I tried to keep a calm façade but I knew Jasper could feel the shock emanating off of me. "Bella, don't you see?" he said softly. I shook my head from left to right, not really understanding what there was exactly to see. "He's worried about you" he continued "mainly about your safety. He thinks that danger haunts your every step and I have to agree with him there." I couldn't disagree and so I just shrugged and sighed. "He sees the truck as another thing he cant control to keep you safe." understanding lit my expression, I could feel it as it attacked the sour lines that had formed across my forehead. Esme was suddenly at my other side, taking my other hand, rubbing small circles into it. It was at this moment that I realized that I had missed something to do with them and Edward's worries about me.

"Please Bella, let him have a little peace of mind." her voice was gentle and I could hear the pleading as she too stared at his back. The pain on both their features was just too much to take and I found myself staring at his back as well wondering what exactly I had missed.

I sighed and slowly pulled both my hands out of theirs and started towards him. I watched as he threw a stone angrily across the water then raised his hand to his face, although I couldn't see it, I knew he was holding the bridge of his nose while his eyes were shut trying to control some emotion he didn't want me to see.

"Bella please, I don't want to argue anymore, you win." he sounded so tired, his voice was barely audible it was so low. "go kill the car" he sighed "I really don't care anymore" his hand still hidden in front of his face moved as his head fell into both of them. The defeat in his voice was heartbreaking. Closing the final gap between us as fast as possible, I threw my hands around his neck and hugged his as tightly as possible. I felt him freeze underneath me before lifting his head to look at me, resting my forehead against his I could see the pain radiating off of him.

"Are you really that worried about me?" I spoke, barely a whisper. He shrugged and his eyes dropped again. "And a new car would fix this? How?" I continued and he shrugged again, focusing on his knee.

"It doesn't solve a lot if I'm honest" I could barely hear him as he tried to explain his over-thought-about conclusion. "Carlisle sees accidents every day and people are worse off depending on the car they are driving, Bella of course I want nothing to happen to you and you know I would do whatever I could to stop it but I'm not always with you, I can't always be with you…" He stopped and began staring at his hands, hatred filled his expression and I knew he thinking the worst of himself again.

Unlocking my arms, I drew my hands to his face and pulled his face up to look at me so that I could read his eyes. From the second we locked eyes I could read how hard this was for him to admit, how much pain it caused him … and I buckled. "Fine" I said defeated.

"fine?" his voice shot up and he read every detail on my face waiting for my response.

"FINE!" I growled at him. His eyes grew large and a huge smile spread across his face. "but I mean it Edward, not too expensive." I cautioned and his happily surprised expression grew even larger. "I mean it!"

He grabbed my face suddenly, pulling me closer to him and kissed me with excessive force. He hadn't done that since the night I had agreed to marry him and I found myself not wanting to let it end like it had that night, so I tangled my fingers in his hair but as always, when he wanted it to end it did and nothing I could do could possibly stop it.

"Can I ask you for a favor?" I questioned as I watched him calculating ideas and assumed he was trying to decide on what car would be the best choice.

"Anything" he simple responded but I could hear the hesitant tone.

"Talk to me…what did I miss?" I spoke softly as I nodded my head towards the house. He grimaced and I knew it was bad. "Edward please" I pleaded.

"The other evening when I was waiting for you to finish work, we were watching this documentary about strange rare diseases and Emmett turned around and made a joke about how it was likely to happen to you" I raised my eyebrows at him and his grimace only got deeper. "Of course I told him to shut up but it brought on all my deepest fears for your kind… for you…" he looked away from me now, towards the water and I knew he was lost in thought. "Do you realize how many ways you can die that I have absolutely no control over?" he began, his voice was starting to speed up and breaking often. I nodded. "It suddenly hit me and I was a complete wreck. Everyone tried to calm me but none of them could tell me I was wrong. There are just so many things…" he trailed off and he had confirmed what I had seen on Esme's and Jasper's faces.

"Edward, I'm not going anywhere and if I do, well you can always change me just in time and then your stuck with me… or even better change me now and you don't ever have to worry!" trying to lighten his mood, I assumed a joke was the most plausible way to do it. I was wrong.

"That's not funny Bella!" he growled at me.

"Edward…" now my voice broke and I knew that I needed to be serious in order to take him out of some of his pain. "I'm not going anywhere, I wont leave you! I promise." I whispered to him and he gazed at me. The determination was clear in my voice and I knew he could see it just as clear on my face. Pulling me closer until I was sitting on his lap, curving around his body, he wrapped his arms around me and slowly stroked my hair and kissed my forehead. I took a deep breath and let out an even bigger sigh "I wont fight you anymore, if you giving me something will give you more peace of mind, then sure, I'll accept it but nothing too outrageous… please." I buried my face into his chest under his chin and his embrace grew tighter. I could feel the instant release of stress from him and I couldn't help but smile.

He couldn't just get me a stupid shiny Volvo, no he had to get me this ostentatious eye grabber! The insults continued to flow as I watched everyone stare at the car as I passed them. I needed gas but I didn't want to go in to the station so instead I contemplated driving all the way to his and making him go get it. I knew I was being childish but the rumors were already flying about me and this car - that had obviously come from the Cullen's as being the daughter of the town sheriff hardly made me a millionaire - and it was only a few hours old. The car was beautiful without a doubt but I couldn't understand the obsession the male population had with it.

Turning into the petrol station I was ecstatic to see that it was practically empty, I really couldn't be bothered to deal with people today. Yet, as always my luck ran out quickly, I was half way through filling up the tank when another car pulled in behind me and three men jumped out.

"Would you look at that!" one man called and the other wolf whistled. "Hun, what are you doing driving that car!" he called again in my direction, I just shrugged, hanging up the nozzle and heading for the counter to pay. As I walked, I pulled out the other 'need' that Edward had given me this morning. A small black rectangle piece of plastic with a shiny chip on it. Stupid bank card! I scolded in my head, Edward had convinced me that accepting the bank card was necessary as what was his, belonged to me already and legally would in a couple of weeks, he had enjoyed reminding me of the fast approaching date. I had promised to spend it as freely as I could but we both knew I was lying. I never had a lot of money and so I didn't feel like I needed it besides spending his felt like I was using him. I had decided that I would only use it for important things like petrol. So here I was using it for exactly that when I heard the other men come in behind me queuing.

"I wonder what she does? I mean you don't just drive that car in less your someone real important!"

"Or in real danger, like in the middle east or something, y'know where bombs go off and you get shot at a lot." the southern voice tried to reason "But she don't look like she has anything to be scared of."

"How did she even get it, its not available to buy let alone in this country yet!" the older of the three contributed. After typing in the pin code that Edward had set for me - telling me it was easy to remember as it was the date of our first conversation, the day he saved me from the truck - I turned and headed to the door, trying to figure out what the heck the men were on about.

I couldn't wait to get home, I needed answers. Opening the door and running up the stairs I barely called to Charlie. He came up the stairs after me, worried but I just needed to find out what exactly was so special about that damn car.

"Bells, honey… are you ok?" he said as he walked in and sat down on the end of my bed, nearly tripping on the bag I had dropped before I sat down to turn on my computer.

"Yeah dad I'm fine… its just" Charlie raised his eyebrow at me. "The car Edward bought me, its well… it gets a little too much attention but I cant understand why so I wanted to see ." I waved my hand at my laptop and he laughed as he took in what I meant. "Google truly is a Godsend!" I laughed in response.

"You got your new car already. Did he have it on special order or something" Charlie looked as confused as I was. "What make is it?" he asked and I was suddenly curious as to whether or not Charlie knew anything about cars at all.

"Edward being Edward, it wouldn't surprise me!" I mumbled but he seemed to hear me. A brief smile spread across his face before I continued in a normal tone. "it's a Mercedes Guardian" I stated. Charlie's eyes grew large and the shock spread across his face as clearly as every other male I had passed on the way here. "what is it about that damn car?" I complained as he finally found his voice.

Ten minutes later, he had managed to tell me absolutely everything, every boring fact and fascinating detail about the car. The only detail missing was the cost, as they weren't on sale just yet, he wasn't sure. I typed in the name of the vehicle and wrote price on the end. As the page loaded, my eyes nearly popped out. I had told him not too much, what was wrong with him? This was more expensive than any other car I had ever been in, including Rose's M3 and his Vanquish.

"I'm going to kill him" I screeched as Charlie backed out the door and down the stairs. Charlie wasn't happy about the engagement, he still hadn't really forgiven Edward for leaving me but after watching Edward and Carlisle care for Jacob, he had grown a small liking to him. I picked up my bag, taking my car keys out when I heard Charlie talking to someone. I rushed to the top of the stairs when I thought I heard him say Edwards name.

"Edward, what were you thinking? She just looked it up on the internet…" there was a break, I couldn't believe it, he had rung Edward to tell him my reaction…what the heck was going on? He sighed after a long moment. "well I thought I better warn you, she's fuming." he was right I was, I headed back out the door calling over my shoulder as I left. "she's on the way to kill you…" was the last of the conversation I heard before I slammed the door shut and ran towards that expensive piece of unnecessary junk.

Stupid expensive car, stupid expensive bullet proof car, stupid expensive bullet proof tank resistant car. I was yelling out loud. I was completely consumed with anger for two reasons, firstly he had agreed nothing too expensive and secondly because I was certain he and Emmett and more than likely Rosalie too, maybe Jasper had all had a good laugh over getting me a damn tank resistant car.

I sped onto their drive and started along the twisty road, as I got closer to the house I noticed Emmett standing in the middle of the road and I was tempted to hit him with this stupid car just so he could see how funny it was. I couldn't help but wonder if it was vampire proof or would I end up the one hurt while the car bent around Emmett's shape. I slammed on my breaks and came to a stop with only a few centimeters to spare, flinging the door open I jumped out and glared at him.

"Bells, little sis, don't be like that" I started stalking towards him and for the first time ever he actually backed away slightly. "I'm here to explain something to you so just hear me out ok?" I nodded. I was too afraid to talk in case I just started screaming. "Think about it, what did Edward tell you was the problem?" he wanted to protect me, so what? "Well that car behind you is the safest car on the market…" he trailed off watching the light switch flick on inside my head as it all suddenly made sense.

"You mean… that thing behind me wasn't a private joke?" I barely got out before Emmett's face was twisted in livid disgust.

"BELLA!" he growled loudly at me, his expression furious. "Your safety is not a joke. Do you really not realize how important you are to all of us." Emmett's normal care free attitude was no where to be found as he scolded me for thinking the worst of the situation. "Don't you know what it would do to all of us, especially Edward if something happened to you?" his livid expression lightened and he took a step towards me stroking my face with the palm of his hand. "Bells, you have no idea the mess he was the other day, I swear I thought he had lost it completely. Don't go too hard on him ok…" I was shocked. I waited but there was no joke, he simple turned and vanished with the wind into the trees. Where was Emmett and who was this serious imposter?

Climbing back into the car, Emmett's words repeated in my head and it took me a moment to catch my breath. I sat with my eyes closed, resting my head back when a quiet knock came from my window. I opened my eyes to see Edward standing there, confusion etching its way across his perfect features.

I opened the door and stood in front of him, he stepped back and waited for me to begin but when I didn't he took another step back.

"I was waiting for you, I heard you coming, then you stopped… I waited but when I didn't hear anything I decided to come and see what was going on." He was clearly bracing himself for what he would have received if Emmett hadn't of interjected. I stared at him, trying to figure out what my reaction should be, as I watched him puzzle over my expression and silence. "Why did you stop?" I suddenly realized that Emmett met me here for a reason, far enough away from the house for Edward not to be able to over hear, but close enough for him to return in a matter of seconds. It was clear to me then that it had been the reason he had taken off so quickly, so I guessed I wasn't meant to tell Edward, so what excuse could I use… I had nothing. "I know your mad Bella, but really the silent treatment?" that caught me off guard and it made it harder for me to think of anything to say. I watched Edward take another step back, waiting for my explosion, his expression twisted into one of regret and I could see the sadness reappear. "Do you want me to take the car back?" he finally asked.

I took a long breath. "No Edward I don't, its just…" he was truly confused now. "I'm not that damn breakable!" I complained, finally letting out some of my built up anger!

He smiled his crooked smile at me "you really are!" he said in an amused tone.

"Edward!" I drew out his name, over exaggerating it with frustration, pacing back and forth "I'm not made of glass, please stop thinking I am!" I wasn't angry anymore, I was just frustrated at him. He read this in my expression and walked towards me, taking my arms in his hands in order to hold me still.

His voice calm and quiet "You think I'm taking it too far?" I nodded a sharp yes and he nodded back. "ok… I will try to tone it down a little." As he spoke the words a huge smile split across my face and I couldn't help but throw myself into him. "I'm sorry but if it helps I love you, besides this is only the before car remember" he mocked and I suddenly re-envisioned testing out my theory about vampire vs. the tank proof car. As I thought about this his phone vibrated and he sighed as he answered it. "Yes Alice?"

"Whatever it is that your doing to annoy Bella, I would stop now!" she warned.

He looked down at me, squinting through thin slits "And why is that exactly?"

"Well she's kinda planning on running you over with her car. She's figured out that it just might be able to withstand our kind." she giggled and hung up without another word. His expression was both mortified and amused as he stared at me.

"I'd listen to her!" I glared back before bursting into laughter.


	2. Expanding and Exploding

**_PLEASE REVIEW :) REVIEWS MAKE ME WRITE FASTER_**

**_Chapter two - Expanding and Exploding_**

The next few days seemed endless, the sun was out illuminating the ground beneath it as the rays slowly burned away at the deep moss that covered everything in this town. For two days now I had attended school alone, Edward and Alice had spent there days away from the public eye, sparkling no doubt where ever they were. The only thing I looked forward to these days was seeing Edward in the late evenings, even Charlie was meant to believe they were hiking with the whole family so Edward couldn't come over till Charlie was fast asleep snoring as usual.

I had been so bored tonight, after speaking with Renee for hours on the phone about Edward, the wedding and school, I had decided to start my essay that wasn't in for another two weeks and somehow managed to finish it before even an hour was up. I lid on my bed, trying to think of something that would pass a little bit more time when I realized that with everything going on, I hadn't read anything recently. Picking up my old battered copy of Wuthering Heights, I opened the spine to let the pages fall open to the most read part of it, my favorite scene. I began reading and it wasn't long till my eyelids became too heavy for me to keep open.

_I wondered through the forest, seeing but I wasn't meant to be there, I couldn't feel anything around me but I could see the cold in the air, the snow that blanketed the ground. I could hear strange noises just a little bit north of where I was at the moment and I stumbled forward to investigate. I heard the cracking of branches as a vampire was thrown into them, falling to the floor but taking some of the tree with him. His eyes were ruby red and his skin, although pale had a slight olive tinge to it. Obviously Spanish with his long thick brown hair tied back, he charged in front of me, completely ignoring my presences. Out of no where a big russet wolf appeared and the fight seemed to be everlasting. It didn't take a long time to realize that the large wolf was Jacob, my Jake. I panicked as I watched the russet fur being thrown backwards. All of a sudden the fight was over, the Jacob wolf threw him one last time but the Spanish vampire managed to wrap his arms around Jacob and crush him, I screamed but no one could hear me, I ran towards them but neither seemed aware of my attendance. "Jacob! My Jacob!" I screamed and I could feel the tears rolling down my face as I took in his mangled body. A slight breeze blew past me, everything around me blew slightly, shaking the cold white flakes off of them, still I could feel nothing. If I couldn't see the wind attacking the trees and bushes around me I would never of been aware of its presence. The vampires head snapped up, looking straight through me, I turned unwilling to see, what I hoped was not more of his kind. Two large wolves charged towards the vampire and before I knew it, the smaller sandy wolf was blocking my view. I fell down beside Jacob as he let out small puffs of air, breathing obviously a difficulty. "Jake, I'm sorry. Don't leave me" I whispered to him as my tears flew even faster down my face. "I need you" I let my hand drop on his chest but I seemed to pass right through him. I stared shocked, fixated on the dulling of his large dark eyes, watching as he fought to keep the light in them. "Jacob no… no Jake… please no" I was hysterical now, barely aware of the final large cracking sound that came from behind me, but I couldn't turn away, afraid that if I did he would be gone forever. A moment passed before I heard anything from behind me, suddenly two people I recognized bent down in front of me trying to wake Jacob up._

_"Come on Jake, we need to get him out of here" Seth Clearwater spoke with urgency as he tried to move Jacob's arm causing a hissing nose to escape Jacob's chest._

_"Jacob, you listen to me now, no way are you dieing and leaving me to deal with Sam, I wont allow it, so man up and deal with it so we can get you help." Leah Clearwater scolded him. Jacob was becoming so hard to see through my flooded eyes and I knew I was possibly wasting his last seconds crying but I couldn't seem to stop myself._

_"Bella" a quiet familiar voice came, but I couldn't figure out where from. "Bella, wake up" his musical voice was filled with sadness and doubt as he called my name softy again. "Bella, its just a dream" a dream?_

My eyes flew up and I jumped up in the bed, unable to find my breath. I stared unseeing towards my window, knowing that this felt different to a dream. Over the last few years, I had envisioned some strange things in my dreams, a few times they had been loosely translated in reality. My breath caught as I thought of that and a flicker of Jacobs mangled body exploded on my vision again.

"Bella, are you ok?" his musical voice came from behind me. I couldn't find the words, I couldn't make my mouth say what it needed to. Instead I just nodded in the negative and kept staring ahead. A moment passed and I heard a small sigh. "Would you like me to leave?" his voice was empty, hurt and it sounded like he was crying. That reminded me, I shot my hands up to my face and felt the watery streams down my face from where I had been crying in my dream. If I was crying it meant I was talking, if I was talking Edward had heard it. Oh crap! What did I say! "Bella, your starting to scare me love" I felt him move from the bed and move in front of my vision, taking both hands and securely wrapping them around my face. "Bella talk!" he insisted.

His features were lined in worry and I could see the fear that he was trying to hide. I just couldn't bring myself to say anything, I didn't have enough breath to breathe. I shut my eyes and the image of Jacob reappeared. No, this hadn't been a dream, it had been too real, too vivid to be a dream. My eyes betrayed me again and the tears flew without control down my face, my breathing spiking as I couldn't find the power to push the air in and out.

"Bella" he had given up all pretence of being fine, the fear ripped through his words as he started stumbling over his words. "What is it? Is it Jacob? Do you miss him? I heard you, what does that mean? Do you want me to go find him?" I opened my eyes and took in the pleading expression on his face, every line looked severely etched as if he was sixty not eighteen. "Bella, please love, just say it, I cant take this, what can I do to make it better?" his eyes flashed back and forth from my left to right, trying desperately for once to hear what was inside my head but as usual failing. His frustration took over and I could see his panic growing at an alarming rate.

I shut my eyes, I couldn't take his broken expression as well. I began to notice this strange feeling, pulling in my brain, pumping, probing and expanding. It wasn't just irritating but it was truly painful. I concentrated on it, trying to will it to stop, to get out of my head so that I could think straight for two seconds just enough to calm Edward down and figure out if my dream was a dream.

Four things seemed to happen at once. The pain stopped, all I could think was Jacob was dead, Edward gasped and my eyes flew open. His eyes grew large and he stared, fixated in shock at my face.

"Be… Bella… how did you" he gulped "do that?" what did he mean do that? Do what? I could finally feel my breath settling and I managed to push out enough air to form words.

"Do what?" I barely asked and he turned his head to one side.

"You don't know?" his eyes tightened and I could see him probing again at me. I shook my head slightly left to right. He pulled my face closer and leaned in "Bella, I heard you!" he stated. Wonder quickly replaced his confusion but only relit mine.

"In my sleep?" suddenly I felt my tears again, they were being to attack my barrier and I knew it wouldn't be long before they escaped. I ran through my dream, I remembered the things I was saying and how it must have sounded. "Edward I'm sor…" he cut me off before I could finish.

"Bella! I heard you! Not in your sleep but" he tapped his right index finger off of the top of my head and I instantly caught up with him. My eyes grew large as I took in his once again shocked expression.

"But … how?" I forced out.

"I… I don't know…" once again Jacobs cold mangled body appeared before me and the tears found there exit. "Bella don't cry, It was a dream, Jacobs fine." how did he know I was upset about Jacob, I looked at him questionably, he didn't need to read my mind to know what I was thinking this time. "You were talking about him in your sleep and then when I heard" awe took over and he started investigating my eyes "you… you were thinking Jacob is dead" the tears flowed more quickly and I started finding it hard to breathe again.

Edward was concentrating extremely hard and I knew he was looking for a way in again, the pain started up as I gazed back into his eyes and when I started feeling the expanding sensation again, I simply told myself to release. I watched as Edwards eyes grew larger and he moved closer to me, then I ran through snippets of my dream. If he could read my thoughts this was easily the way to do it. I started with the fight, then I showed the vampire crushing him, and I finally showed the void taking over Jacobs eyes as Leah and Seth Clearwater tried to move him. Edward gasped and his distraction caused a snap in my head. It almost felt as if someone had let an elastic band snap across my forehead and I jumped back from the pain, grabbing my forehead with both hands. He just sat there, staring at me. Shock. Awe. Pain. Curiosity. Different emotions passed across his face every second and I knew he was trying to figure out what had just happened as much as me. He watched me intently as I watched him, in the blink of an eye, he was right in front of me, tightly wrapping his arms around me.

"Bella, it was just a dream… but that wasn't in my imagination… was it?" the puzzled expression was actually very endearing. It wasn't often Edward looked so unsure of himself and I knew he was completely lost in theories. "We should go see Carlisle" he spoke softly and I nodded.

Before I knew it we were running through the forest, I was tightly holding on to him but my mind was still stuck on the image of Jacobs unmoving body. I didn't even realize how long we had been running or where we were before he had sat me down on the steps of the large white entranceway. Maybe Edward was right, maybe it was just a very vivid dream and nothing more, if that was the case then Edward hearing my thoughts was a big deal and I should really be concentrating on that. I took a deep breath. "What can I do?" he asked. I gazed up at him as I stood up, a small shrug left my shoulders as I turned for the door.

He reached in front of me and opened it. All the Cullen's were in the living room, all doing there own things.

"Edward, isn't it passed Bella's bedtime?" Emmett called in mock horror as he jumped off the couch and walked towards us at human speed. I couldn't find the power to shoot something back at him, instead I just stared right at him expressionless. I watched as concern rewrote his expression and he sped up and looked at Edward. "What the heck did you do to her?" he growled. Suddenly all of them were walking with caution towards me.

From the corner of my eye I saw Edward shrug but he never took his eyes from me. He placed an arm around my shoulder, trying to capture my attention. "Bella…" he waited but I couldn't make a response leave. The more I tried to be ok, the worse I felt, what if Jacob was lying somewhere dieing and here I was acting as if I had known nothing. I couldn't do it.

"Jesus Edward, what the fuck happened to her" Jasper fell to his knees beside me, his face cupped in his hands. His breathing was sketchy, his voice breaking on every word. I had never heard him use such language and apparently no one else was use to it either as they all looked down at him, shocked.

"Try to calm her Jazz" Edward yelled as he read Jaspers evaluation of my emotions, I had never heard his voice so panicked before.

"I'm trying its not working…she's in too much pain" Jaspers voice broke on the last word again and I was suddenly aware of multiply hands on my body. I heard my name in all different voices but I couldn't concentrate.

"Everyone back away from her" Carlisle said walking over and taking my face in his hands. "Alice go get my bag please" his eyes were so close to mine now that I couldn't see anything but him. "Bella, look at me" I had thought I was looking at him. His tone was so relaxed I found myself starting to relax with it. "Start from the beginning, Edward every detail."

"When I got to hers, she was asleep" his voice started off slow but started to get faster and more emotion as he spoke. "She started tossing and talking in her sleep… mainly about Jacob" I watched as Carlisle took in what that meant, or at least what they all though it meant. "Then she started crying, hysterical and begging Jacob not to go" Rosalie shot me a livid expression as she thought I was finally picking Jacob over Edward. "The she woke up, like this" he waved his hand towards me. "I didn't really get any thing out of her until…" he cut off leaning in closer to me and stroking the top of my head.

"Until what?" Esme asked, sadness lined every letter.

"I heard her" Edward said tapping my head again. Carlisle jumped back, pulling his hands from my face and looking at Edward. There were multiply gasps and hands being flung over mouths.

"What did you hear? Any indication to what is wrong?" Carlisle asked suddenly. As Edward went to answer I thought of the words I never wanted to hear and somehow they managed to bubble out of my mouth.

"He's dying, maybe dead…" I let trail off. My eyes were still focused on the same spot even though Carlisle was gone. "Jacob" I whispered as the tears spilled over and streamed down my face.

Everyone was silent for a long moment.

"Bella, how do you know this?" Alice was suddenly in front of me asking.

"I…I saw it" I manage to let out in between sobs.

"She saw it?" Alice's eyes were intent on Edwards face. "Like a vision?" more gasps erupted.

For the first time tonight, Edward finally agreed that the dream felt too real. "Alice it was like reading one of your vision, it didn't feel like a dream" he said quietly, hoping not to upset me again. Everyone's eyes snapped to mine.

I felt the pressure building again, but it was more painful this time. I lost feeling in my legs and dropped, sitting on the floor, I pulled my knees towards my body as I rocked slightly back and forward. My hands climbed to my head, squeezing tightly trying to stop the expanding feeling that was now attacking every nerve in my head. I started banging the palm of my hand to my head, hoping to numb whatever it was that was causing so much pain.

"Carlisle do something" Jasper screeched and I knew he could feel the pain as his own hands grasped his head. Alice threw herself towards him trying to help him, pinning his hands away from him.

"What's happening?" Carlisle said as Edward gripped my wrists, and pulled them behind my back.

"It feels like my head is going to explode" I said through clenched teeth "Get Jasper out of here" I shot out in my last huff of breath.

"Get her upstairs" Carlisle commanded of Edward.

Before I knew it I was being placed down on Edwards bed. He was still restraining me as Carlisle leaned in over me with a torch and shined it in my eyes. "Bella can you hear me?" I nodded in response.

"This wasn't that bad that the last two times…" Edward trailed off and I noticed that I was beginning to be able to think around the pain again.

"I think I should sedate her" but it sounded more like a question. I heard Edward sigh and although I wasn't looking at him, I could feel his panic. Carlisle stared at Edward waiting for his permission, but before it was given my mind went blank and I felt like my head was being pulled back. My body arched off of the bed and I heard Edward cry out in pain as he took in my body convulsing.

"HOLD HER DOWN" Carlisle screamed. For the first time ever, I witness Carlisle loosing his calm composure as he turned to get something out of his bag. Although I was fitting, I could still make out certain things happening around me, as if my mind was slowing down. Within half a second of Carlisle command, I felt Edward's hands tighten across my arms as he pulled me deeper into the bed, Emmett's hands forced my legs down straight and Rosalie used both hands to push my stomach down while Esme's cold hands felt like heaven as she placed them on my forehead, keeping my head secure. A flash burning sensation flew through my head, causing me to lose my control and I let out a blood curdling scream. The pain was just too much…


	3. Lost in my own thoughts

**_Chapter Three - Lost in my thoughts_**

I was lost… floating in the endless darkness that surrounded me. I could hear something going on around me, yet I couldn't see or move anything.

"Have you spoken to Charlie? What did you tell him?" I heard Esme's soft motherly voice and I instantly found a new calm.

"Yes, he believes that Bella came over to the house early because she wasn't feeling well all night and that she passed out shortly after arriving so I brought her here." Carlisle responded and I found myself wondering where exactly here was. The darkness started taking over again and the words became no more than a passing whisper as I fell further away from them.

I felt the pressure on my head releasing as I started to hear the voices again, they were distant but I was starting to get closer to them.

"Bella, I love you. You promised remember. Please don't leave me" there was so much pain in this quiet whisper, so much hurt that I couldn't help but try to cling to it. "Pleas…se" a broken whisper and I was gone again.

It felt like I was swimming, but against the tide. It felt like the time I had cliff dived into the storm only this time my Jacob couldn't save me. I wonder could he ever save anyone again. I was numb, empty and part of me didn't want to be found if I would then have to live through his death.

Alice's pixie musical voice pulled me from my retrieve next. "Any improvement?"

"Nothing. She hasn't even moved or flinched. Just perfectly still." Edwards musical tone was missing, his voice was empty, bland.

"Carlisle said she's stable though, that's a plus" I could hear the small grin in her voice as she tried to make the best out of any situation.

"Does she even look like Bella anymore?" he snapped. "Medically she's stable but then why isn't she moving or waking up?" I heard him sigh as I imagined the apologetic look he would have just thrown to Alice to make up for his outburst. "Do you see anything?" he begged. A moment passed and I heard him cuss under his breath. I had only heard him speak like that when I was in real danger just like the time he had saved me from the van or the time we sped away from the baseball field the day we met James. I really must be in danger. How bad was I?

"I'm sorry Edward but her path is too undecided." Alice's calm voice must have been a façade because the fear and doubt that surrounded her words now was too strong to be fresh.

"How is Jacob?" I found myself clinging to his words and for the first time since this had all happened I found my impatient side taking a front row.

"Better. Still a long way to recovery. Carlisle said the vamp made a major mess of him but he will survive. Him and Rose were already arguing this morning, so I take that as a good sign that he's feeling better." Jacob was doing better, so I had been right. He was alive. "He was lucky Bells saw what she did, real lucky Emmett, Rose and Jasper went looking for him." I heard Edward sigh. "Any new theories on how she did she it?"

"No, well… maybe. You remember how she always seemed to know things, like work it out faster than even we did." I guessed Alice nodded as Edward broke off for a second before continuing. "And she use to have so many nightmares but then not really remember them… what if she had been having visions all along and that's how she managed to figure things out because somewhere inside her head the answers were already there." sounded plausible I had to agree.

"Like her brain couldn't process them so it hid them from her consciousness?"

"Exactly, but the last one was too important for her not to remember and her brain failed under the pressure. It could be why she was unable to stop me from entering her mind." I had to give it to him, his theory made sense. I remembered the snapping feeling I kept feeling right before Edward was able to hear my thoughts, could that have been the lock on my brain breaking. I concentrated, trying to feel the elastic pull again but nothing. The more I concentrated the deeper away from their voices I went, it didn't take long before I was completely submerged in silence again.

Time had no meaning, every ticking second could have been hours here for all I knew. I drifted slowly always trying to find my way to the surface. Breathing came easily now, it didn't hurt anymore. I had felt exactly like the damaged the salted sea water had cause the day I drowned, but now there was nothing.

I couldn't help but be pulled to the surface yet again when I heard the familiar notation of my lullaby, but Edwards voice sounded dry, raw… it didn't sound pleasant, he sounded betrayed and damaged. All of a sudden he stopped. I heard him huff out a large gust of air and what sounded like paper flicking. His voice began but this time it was the heated words of Cathy to Heathcliff from my favorite chapter of my favorite book.

"My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods. Time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees - my love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath - a source of little visible delight, but necessary." he quoted and I couldn't help but think of how fitting that was for how I felt about Jacob and Edward. He must have thought that too as he let out a short tight laugh followed by a long sigh.

"Anything?" another voice entered the room. It too sounded horse, pain tearing its way through every word but it was still familiar.

"Nothing… I thought if I read her some of her favorite passages… well it didn't work" the huff that followed was one I had witnessed many times. I didn't need to see him to know that he had his eyes closed, pinching the bridge of his nose tightly and trying to regain his calm façade if he couldn't manage to calm down all together.

"Yeah, she's always been a stubborn little thing, I guess we just have to wait for her to decide to wake up…" the voice trailed off. It hit me like a ton of bricks, it was Charlie. "I got news today that Jacobs back in town but no one has seen him…" Charlie said trying to be conversational.

"Yeah, I know. Alice informed me the other day that he's become a house guest at mine, in fact he's actually taken over my room." Edward let out a short snort-like laugh and I heard Edward gasp.

"He's at yours? Why? I thought you two hated each other cause of Bells?" his confusion matched my own only I was more curious by the time statement. Had I been out for days? It didn't feel like it.

"No, I would never normally admit it and I'm sure he wouldn't either but Jacob is" he took a deep breath. "Well we sorted out our differences lets say and now we all class him family." I gasped and I wondered if that had made itself known. When no one said anything I assumed it hadn't. "He was hurt and ill when he returned and went to Carlisle for help, that's how he ended up there. I figure they gave him my room as I'm always here."

I could just imagine Charlie nodding, trying to take that all in. "Is he ok?" his tone held even more worry if that was possible.

"Been better but from the updates I've been getting, he will be fine in a few days… mainly just bed rest needed." both of them sounded so dull and empty, was that because of me? Was I hurting them both so badly?

My head started to spin and it felt like a thousand weights were being slammed into my body, dead silence filled the space around me and I could have sworn I was inside a gigantic bubble. I continued to fall deeper and deeper until I couldn't go any further without completely losing myself. Everything was silent, still, peaceful until I suddenly felt fire ripping through my body in three sharp jolts. The sucking at my skin stopped and I found myself being able to breathe again, to float upwards back to the heavenly being that I wanted to spend eternity with.

Different voices filled the room, some I recognized others sounded more distraught. I tried to match the tones with faces as they spoke noticing that the entire Cullen family is now where ever it is that I am.

"Edward, your time is running out…" Carlisle spoke softly but the stern edge was filled with pain.

"No, its not. She might still wake up!" Esme threw back at him. Her tone was angrier than Carlisle's yet it held the same level of fear.

"I wont change her, not now. Not in less I have no other choice" I was beginning to not want to hear Edwards voice, his depressed empty tone was more than I could stand. It coursed through me and took a bite out of everything possible. Pure pain.

"I've had enough of this… If you wont do it Edward than I will!" Emmett growled at him. "Enough about this soul crap. She's chosen and I wont stand around and let her die! She's my sister too now and I actually enjoy being around her!"

"It's nothing to do with her soul Emmett! Do you really think I am going to let her die! I just don't want to do what isn't necessary until it is!" he growled loudly at him and I could hear someone shh-ing them.

"Edwards right. Why condemn her till it's the only other option." Rosalie's voice sounded just as strained as everyone else's and I couldn't help but feel impressed. I really thought she still hated me. "I don't want to lose her either but now is not the time."

"Blondie over there is right! She might still wake up." Jacob! Jacob was here. He must be feeling better but then how long have I been out for? "Lets give her a chance to still have a normal life even if its not for very long" he sneered but everyone ignored it.

"Alice, anything?" Edward asked again. It seemed like every time I had heard him speak to Alice, it was always about her visions.

"No… its still too unclear to make out. It all depends on her and if she fights hard enough." she stated.

"Come on doc, there must be something you can do? You must know something by now?" Jacob's voice turned pleading.

"I've done tests and research, whatever is wrong with her isn't anything common, the only guess I have is that she is somehow trapped by her own ability. Locked behind it." There is nothing psychically wrong with me. It's all inside my head. I started concentrating again and just like every other time, I was pulled down deeper and deeper.

Fighting with my thoughts, I kept concentrating trying to break the barrier again wishing that Edward could help me. I seemed to be at it for eternity before I finally started feeling something shifting, pulling. I was suddenly catapulted to the surface but I still couldn't break the barrier in order to take back control.

"Please Bella, give me a sign." he sounded completely beat, not a trace of his glorious musical voice remained. I concentrated on his breathing, I didn't want to leave him like this, I couldn't.

I heard footsteps before another voice spoke. "Edward you should really go hunt" Carlisle's voice was just as empty and I realized that they were starting to give up.

"I'm not leaving her" his voice barely audible.

"It's been eight weeks Edward. You need to eat. I will watch over her." his voice was full of pleading. I had been out for two months… how?… I thought maybe a week or so but two months.

"I'm NOT leaving her" he was determined and it was evident in his words. Twenty eight raps of breath past before he spoke again. "Bella, I don't know what to do…what if I change you and you remain stuck like this for eternity… what if I don't and I lose you again for the second time this month. I don't think I could take it again." second time this month. Had I died here? Is that what the deep pulling was and electric fire that had pulled me back to the surface. I knew I had to find my way back to him and as long as he kept on talking I would keep trying.

I continued struggling concentrating on Edwards voice but on my own, I waited, fighting every second to relight the pain in my head so that I could break free of this awful prison. I thought about everything I needed to go home for but it made no difference no pain had come. I stayed with Edward listening to him breath, paying attention to the words he read from yet another book and finally when he started humming I imagined I was laying in his arms listening intently waiting to drift off to sleep.

"Edward, I'm here to take over… you need to eat!" Alice's voice was an order.

"I'm not hungry" he stated with no emotion.

"Edward you cant do that, you need to eat… full stop!" she exclaimed and I was hoping that Edward would listen to her but of course he didn't.

"I'm not leaving her and if I don't find a way to save her…" his voice broke off and he let out a loud sigh "What difference does it make anyway. I wont be staying around much longer." he spoke as if he was discussing the weather rather than his life.

"Edward!" she screeched. "You cant do that! You cant even think like that!"

"Alice, if Bella leaves this world then I have no use for it anymore. Nothing has changed since Italy… I wont live in a world where she wont be." he had completely run out of emotions and his words were empty of all feelings.

My anger ignited, hadn't we had this fight? Didn't I tell him he wasn't allowed to even think about it let alone plan on it! As I felt the red haze taking over, I felt the strong pain in my head again, the pulsating getting stronger and stronger. My need to shout at him only made the pain grow worse. I felt the expanding begin as I watched Edward completely defeated, lighting a fire, closing his eyes and stepping into it. It was too much for me to take. I felt my body convulse again, my neck arching backwards, my body being yanked away from the softness of the bed.

"BELLA" I heard Edward shout, panicking.

"EDWARD, HOLD HER DOWN!" Alice shouted as I felt four hands grip at me. My whole body was on fire and I could feel the expanding getting to its limit in my brain.

"Bella, Bella love, can you hear me? Bella, are you ok?" the fear was clear as if he had just admitted it, I felt another two hands grip me before hearing his relaxing voice.

"Come on Bella, wake up!" Carlisle spoke aloud, willing it to come true.

"Come on Bella, come back to me. Please Bella" Edward begged and I felt the same calm take over as I heard his voice finally coming back to life.

I felt the elastic band pull until it reached its breaking point. I felt the fire rushing through my body reawakening it from its long sleep, I could feel my fingers and I spun my hand and gripped onto the hand that Edward was using to hold my wrist down.

"BELLA" he yelled again and it was all I needed to make the final snap. My eyes flew open and immediately caught his onyx penetrating gaze. "Bella" he said again, this time his voice was filled with emotion. Joy. Love. Happiness. Peace. I could read every single one as if I was empathic.

My body flopped back down into a relaxed position on the bed and I knew that the worst was over. I couldn't take my eyes off of him and he couldn't take his eyes from mine. I just allowed myself to be dazzled in the eyes I hadn't seen for more than I ever wanted to experience life without him again.

"How do you feel Bella?" Carlisle was the first to speak.

I couldn't take my eyes off of Edward, so I answered without looking away. "A bit headachy but awake" I let out a low laugh and Edwards brilliant crooked smile touched his lips before appearing in full glory.

"Bells, you scared us. Don't do that again!" Alice scolded in a playful voice but I knew she meant it.

"Bella…" was all Edward was able to say… dropping his head to mine, he rested his forehead in mine, looking directly into my eyes. "Don't ever leave me again" he whispered.

I felt different, the whole time I had been dazzled by Edward I was wondering about the difference I was feeling. I closed my eyes and I felt Edward stiffen above me. "Bella" he said softly. I tried to concentrate to see if I could still control it and I instantly found it, it seemed too easy. I put a little pressure on it and pushed gently and it seemed to move as if it weighed nothing.

I love you. I thought and I was surprised when Edward jumped back smiling at me.

"I love you too" he responded.

"Err, Edward its customary that you add the 'too' when they have said it first" Alice said in a confused tone.

"She did say it first" his crooked smile turned into a full grin and both Alice and Carlisle gasped when they realized what he meant. "How are you doing that?" staring at me.

I decided to speak aloud as it still wasn't completely comfortable having my 'protection' down. "I don't know. I have no idea." I said shrugging. Only now noticing the pains and aches in my body. I let out a small squeal.

"Yes, I'm afraid you've been out for some time Bella. Your body will be very sore for a few days"

I cut him off. "has it been more than eight weeks now?" they all looked at me, curiosity painting on there features. "And you" I said glaring at Edward. "You should have eaten when they told you too" my glaring didn't last long, I was too happy to see Edward to care.

"How do you know about that?" Edward asked, a hint of a smirk playing on his lips.

"I could hear around me but I couldn't find my way back… by the way I liked your theories." I smiled up at him and he bent down and kiss me fiercely. His cold lips locked over mine, but it was just too painful to throw my arms around his neck, so instead I just returned the kiss and laughed when he pulled away.


	4. Ready

Sorry for the delay … hope you like it … thanks for the reviews

Chapter four - Ready

Carlisle had forced me to stay in the hospital for another two weeks after I awoke, running every test imaginable, it was awful. Edward of course had backed him up, telling me that until he knew exactly what was wrong with me, he was going to keep looking for the answer. He underestimated me. I slyly waited for the perfect moment, taking it two weeks to arise when I pulled out my last trick.

"Bella, I was thinking" he begun, taking my hand and rubbing small circles "maybe we should move the Wedding date, make it further away. Lets go to College, see if you like it…" he trailed off. I knew what he was really saying. He wasn't ready to turn me and as to our agreement, the sooner the wedding, the soon the transformation.

"No way" I stated blankly. His forehead crinkled and I watched as the pain spread evenly across his features. "Why are you trying to delay it Edward? I thought you were desperate to get me down the aisle?" I asked mockingly.

"I am" he was silent for a long moment before continuing, choosing his words carefully before he spoke them. "Thing is Bella, I've always said that I want you to join me of your own free will, I want it to be completely your choice. Not because there is something wrong and we don't know what." there was more to it then he was admitting.

"Edward, I feel fine, nothings happened since that night and no matter how hard I try I cant seem to find my block to lift it. There is nothing wrong with me." I was using my calming tone, knowing its affect on Edward. I gazed into his eyes as he tried to read my mind, yet again, to see if I was telling the truth. "Are you really that set on me going to college?" I asked him again, for the one hundredth time, fully aware of his impeding answer.

"Yes, you know I am… Bella I want to give you things, make your existence better, not take from it, from you. Already you've given me so much and all I've done is put you in harms way." he was shaking his head in self disgust. I hated when he did this, not only did it annoy me but I usually gave in because I hated seeing him hurting. It was at the exact moment I was about to give in when I realized exactly how I could get him to release me from this good awful prison, away from that stupid painting of a little girl dressed in red walking out of her front door with a tiny dog, covered in snow. For two weeks I had stared at it and I was contemplating throwing it out the window if I didn't get out soon.

"Edward, I want to go home." I said sternly. He lifted his head to look at me and I could see the harsh irritation take over his eyes.

"For the last time Bella, No. Not till we know what's going on, Carlisle's got more tests." he was glaring at me which only sparked my anger further.

"Edward if you do not get me out of this hospital tonight, not only will I attempt to throw Carlisle out that window along with his damn tests but you will be going behind him even if I have to call the entire wolf pack to come help me." The utter amazement on his face was absolutely priceless and it took me all I could do to keep a straight face. Also, forget changing the date for the wedding because there will be no wedding," the amazement turned into pure agony as he took in what I meant "there will be no nothing." I growled at him. "Ab-sol-ute-ly no-th-ing" as I spoke slowly, my voice turned harder. Of course I didn't mean it but as long as he thought I did that was all that mattered. It was utterly astonishing to me, after everything we had been through he still wasn't certain that I wasn't going to run away screaming.

His face fell and I felt his grip on my hand tighten. "Don't… Don't say that Bella… please… I don't…" he trailed trying to find the words to say that would change my mind. I raised my eyebrow at him, and he flinched away.

I lost it then, staring into his beautiful golden eyes, it had taken this long to get him to go hunting, he had only returned a few hours previous. In the whiniest voice I had ever used I let out "Please Edward, let me go home. Please." I begged. He looked torn as he watched me. I slumped back in the bed turning away from him and smacked my head off the metal headboard. "Crap!" I sighed as I rubbed it softly. Before I knew it he was bent over me rubbing my forehead and pressing his other hand to where I was after hitting. His cold touch was exactly what I needed to dull the pain, better than any ice pack imaginable. "Please" I asked in the smallest voice I could create. I could see it was starting to work, his weakness was always giving in when I begged but he had been so confident that finding out what was wrong was more important and that I would eventually thank him that he somehow managed to refrain from giving in. The one thought that had come to me but that I didn't want to agree to kept flashing before me and I knew if I ever wanted to see anything besides these four walls and the annoyingly boring walls of the corridors outside then I needed to give in and use it. I sighed "what if I agree to six months at college before I join you?"

His face snapped up and I could see it working as a different expression replaced the last before the last had time to be fully processed. "You would wait? You are truly that desperate to get out of here?" he asked, dazzling me with his perfect smoldering eyes.

"I would" I said quietly, nodding and pulling my miserable puppy dog expression. He stepped back from me and began pacing across the floor in front of my bed, he just kept walking and then his eyes would suddenly flash to me and the back to the ground. A few times his hand went up the squeeze the bridge on his nose. I waited anxiously. I had never seen him debate something this much before.

He stopped, looked at me and sighed "Carlisle" in a whisper. He never took his eyes off of me, his expression completely blank. Carlisle ran through the door seconds later, I was guessing it being passed midnight, there was no one about to witness him walking at vampire speed.

"What's happening?" he spoke softy "are you ok Bella?" I hadn't realized how worried he had been about me until that moment. He was analyzing everything I did, every breath trying to see what he had missed.

"She's fine" Edward growled low "not playing fair as usual" both of them turned to glare at me and I couldn't help but smile at there likeness. It was uncanny how much they looked alike, unbelievable to think that they truly weren't related.

"What did she use on you now?" He muttered to Edward without taking his glaring eyes off of me. I returned a more innocent smile.

"six more months, six months of uni… of my choice" he added, raising his eyebrow at me daring me to disagree. I kept quiet and smiled widely now showing all my teeth. Carlisle's forehead creased and his eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Well… that is something I know you cant just turn down" he said to Edward again without looking at him. His eyes tightened and he stepped forwards "and what is it exactly you want in return?"

"My freedom" my best innocent expression was in full glory.

"Freedom from this room right?" Edward corrected. "That is your terms?" I instantly knew there was something about what he was saying but I got so excited that I agreed before I had really thought about it.

"Tonight?" I raised both eyebrows "Then we have a deal."

"Ok" he nodded back at me and my happy expression was a real one this time. Carlisle turned to look at Edward in shock, I could imagine he was feeling a little undermined at this moment. I watched as a smirk touched Edwards lips and I knew right then I had said something wrong and it wasn't going to work out the way I had been planning.

"Edward…" I spoke his name and he was in full smirk mode now knowing that I had finally figured out he won.

"I'm going to need you to call Charlie" he spoke to Carlisle. "Tell him that Bella is desperate to get out but you don't think it's a good idea to leave her unsupervised, talk him around to letting Bella stay at ours, promise him the world if you have too. Explain to him she will always be supervised by you or Esme…" before he had finished I let our a gasp, realizing my mistake. "You said this room, you never said anything about going home." he turned looking back to me as he spoke, raising an eyebrow daring me to argue back.

"Anywhere is better than this hell hole" I moaned under my breath. Although I was sulking, I knew I was happy about this, if Charlie agreed and that was a big if. If he agreed I would be staying with the Cullen's, with Edward everyday. It was a wish come true but I wasn't going to tell him that.

"Give me two years and you can go home?" he threw out slyly. HAH! Was all I could think.

I huffed. "Yeah Right. I would prefer to stay here till August 13th and make you change me before we even cut the cake." I threw back at him. That wiped the smile off of his face. Carlisle just laughed before heading out the door, but I saw the smile touch Edwards lips and I knew Carlisle was after saying something in his mind about me. "What did he say?" I inquired, squinting through thin eyes.

"Quote: Your going to have your hands full for the rest of eternity. Are you sure you can handle it?" in his best Carlisle impression. My mouth dropped open. Was I really that bad? The smile grew more pronounced as he took in my shocked expression. He walked over and leant down over me, his face barely centimeters away, capturing my eyes he whispered "I look forward to it." Kissing me suddenly and letting just a little bit of his self control loosen. "I cant wait for it" he pulled away kissing my forehead before walking towards the door.

Of course Charlie couldn't fight with Carlisle, no one could. There was just something so trusting about his open honesty that it was hard to never give in immediately. By one o'clock my bags were packed, my discharge papers signed and Carlisle was bringing the car around to the closet exit as Edward unnecessarily made me sit into a wheelchair as he pushed me down the corridor to the exit. Thank God no one was around or I would have died from shame.

It was a strange feeling, walking into the Cullen's home, knowing that this was pretty much my new home now, at least until Carlisle decides I'm well enough and Edward gets bored of me. I had mentioned this in passing on the way home, all I got out of him was a long dark stare and a slow and very deliberate head shake. I let out a sigh, knowing what he was thinking.

The house was even more beautiful than how I remembered it, Esme and obviously Alice had gone to the extra effort of adding more flowers, filling the air with the perfect mixture of scents and adding extra touches they thought would make me feel at home. Just inside my bedroom door, only last Christmas Renee had bought me a Monet painting print and insisted to Charlie to put it up claiming it would help me move on. Yeah right. Alice must have mentioned the new poster to Esme because hanging on the wall adjacent to the small white love seat was none other than the original Monet painting. I couldn't even comprehend how they had managed to get their hands on one, let alone what it must have cost them.

Edward lifted me into his arms and began walking up the stair as a human pace. "What are you doing Edward? I can walk you know." I said in a playful tone.

Smiling his brilliant crooked smile he answered me, taking my breath away. "I know, but I want to show you that I would do anything for you here, even carry you around all day if you requested it. Nothing about you Bella will ever bore me silly." So that is what his strange behavior was about. "Besides, I didn't want to make you feel lightheaded or sick if you really were feeling fine."

This time I shook my head, he was so silly and protective over me it was beginning to be ridiculous. "Edward I can look after myself" as I said it he stopped right outside his door and looked down at me, curiosity lighting every feature, every scar, every dent… I stood still looking up into his perfect eyes waiting for his reaction to continue. He stumbled around puffs of air before finally finding the words he wanted to ask "Do you want to be here Bella?"

"What?" I was in complete shock. "No I want to be at Mike Newton's!" I slung at him, what a stupid question. He flinched back but then as it set in that I was mocking him, he leaned his head closer to mine, touching our noses.

"I'm being serious Bella. I can't do and say what I am about to if I think that I can lose you. I couldn't handle that." by the end of his sentence his voice was so low it was barely audible. I stared at him, mouth opened, not breathing. Could he really be doubting me now?

"Edward why are you doubting me?" I asked just as low. Worst thing about being in the Cullen's home was the other six nosey vampires with over sensitive hearing.

"Once I say this and truly mean it, I wont be able to take it back and I need to make sure your right there with me on this matter… I cant lose you again Bella. I cant even think about losing you again or for another few weeks, not without…" he trailed off, his jaw going tight and I could see this wasn't an easy conversation for him.

"Edward, I am here to stay with you. I wont leave you and you better never think about leaving me again. I mean that." I raised my left eyebrow at him.

He pulled me tighter and inhaled. Placing one hand on the door handle, twisting it down he took a deep breath, smiled and spoke the words as quiet as the wind into my ear. "Welcome home Bella" was all he said before stepping over the threshold and pulling me in for one long, tight, longing kiss.

He pulled away, walking and sliding me on to the large metal framed bed. I pulled back the covers he had placed over me without me even seeing him touch them and slowly pattered the space next to me. He laughed a short burst before appearing right next to me in a single blink. Wow I loved this man! Ran through my head over and over and I knew that I was finally safe in my surrounds, I finally knew I wasn't going anywhere or I wasn't going to be left behind again. He was serious on keeping me and I was happy to stay here for eternity with him.

I lifted my head to lay it on his now shirtless chest and he started stroking my hair, slowly twisting his head every now and again to take a whiff or kiss my head. We must have just lid in silence for ages, although I had trusted Edward, in the back of my mind I had never really let go of the idea of him throwing me away again like a raggy doll a child has twisted and thrown so many times that they are now bored of playing with. Right now though, in this moment, after what he had just said, after everything that had happened. I had never been more sure that I wanted to be with him, it had taken me a long time but I had truly come to terms with what I had to give up to have only him for the rest of our existence. I was really ready, I wanted to join his world.


	5. Choices and Changes

_THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS!!!_

_**Chapter Five - Choices and Changes**_

Some where during my epiphany in the early hours of this morning, I must have drifted away into dream land. As usual Edward was there and as usual he dazzled the crap out of me. Would I ever get bored of looking at his face, into his eyes, his soul. His soul… the big problem. Why couldn't he just believe like Carlisle, even like me, that he hasn't lost his soul and neither will I… what is so terrible about believing in the good for a change. He is convinced my soul will be lost forever only to be replaced by a demon, a monster, something to hide from to keep locked away.

Why were all my dreams like this recently? I found myself asking in an un-subconscious state.

_There I was sitting on the white bark down on the La Push beach watching the tides come and go, as I often did during the dark era and every time, without fail, I see Jacob walking towards me. Just before he reaches me, I feel Edwards arms wrap around me from behind and I know that I made my choice._

Then I wake up. As there is no talking, I knew sleep talking was out of the picture, safe and sound from Edwards super hearing and mind. Yet, I know I should tell him, this is exactly the type of thing I need to tell him, the type of thing I promised to tell him but every time I go to, I have this overflowing sense of guilt that washes over me. Edward had to deal with me crying over losing Jacob, I don't think I could do it to him again no matter how messed up I am. The last time I had heard Jacob was the day in the hospital when he was arguing with them about changing me… he had kept clear and since I am under Cullen protection and watched twenty four hours a day, I am stuck away from him, away from his forgiveness. As much as I love Edward, as much as I know that I will be with him forever now, nothing or no one will change that for me… I miss my friend, I miss MY Jake…

I wondered down the long flowing staircase and lounged on the small love seat watching everyone go at there business. It still amazed me, one second they would be doing something completely normal, something a human would do like playing computer games, reading, shopping online and then out of no where they would get the urge to go hunt, to run to Canada, to work on defensive moves, things no human would think about doing on a normal day. I noticed Alice looking at me, measuring me with her eyes. Oh Great! I thought, She's shopping for me again… You couldn't say no to Alice, it wasn't a choice. If she wanted something or to do something it was got or done…full stop. Edward had noticed the way I interpreted Alice's glances and scrunched up his face into an apology to me. I gave him a quick smirk before turning my attention to Rose. Could she be any more goddess like? Her long flowing blonde hair hung around her shoulders in soft waves as she flipped carefree through a recent gossip magazine. I saw flickers of emotions cross her perfect features as she scanned the writing, taking all the words in clearly before I would have finished the title. I saw her head shake to herself, watching disappointment flash as she glared at the magazine before throwing it behind her on the table and sighing. She looked up into Edwards gaze and shook her shoulders, I hadn't noticed him watching her but it seemed as if he had felt sympathy for whatever she had thought about. After giving her a brief tiny smile he turned back to me. It was only then I realised he was watching me all along, taking in what I saw as I saw it. As he couldn't read my mind, I guess this was his best bet of understanding my thoughts. I got up heading towards where he sat on the piano bench, walking at a slow speed even for a human and folded myself onto his lap, around his frame. He hugged me tightly, humming my lullaby softly in my ear as we rocked back and forth. I couldn't keep my eyes open, I wanted to fully concentrate on the feel of his arms around me, the touch of his skin on mine, the sound of his voice and the deep scent that attacked my system with longing every time I was near him.

A soft buzzing came closer and close to me, my eyes snapping open when I realised it was a phone on vibrate. In front of me stood Alice, my small black phone buzzing as it danced around the palm of her hand. "Thanks" I said as I took the phone and smiled at her. Edward loosened his hold and began playing what seemed like mindlessly with the end of my hair.

"Hello" I answered my phone, caller ID said unknown and I didn't much like surprises, of course I wouldn't admit to Edward or any of the Cullen's that I still got scared every time I thought of anything to do with the vampire who had taken it upon himself to make me part of his games. Edward heard the strain in my voice and bent around to look at my face, studying my expression and almost asking with his eyes what was wrong. I shook my head and waited for a response.

"Bella, Bella is that you?" a panicked voice shouted and I jumped up. That was exactly the words and tone I had heard from my mum when James had called me setting his trap. Before I had even time to register the fact I was standing both Edward and Jasper were standing in front of me.

"What is going on?" Carlisle asked at vampire speed.

"Bella's freaking out" Jasper replied just as fast. I had only barely got the gist enough to work out what was being said and I knew I had to answer my mums voice.

Edward grabbed me by my shoulders and looked me dead in the eyes, obviously terrified as he took in Jasper's assessment of my mood. The startled expression held my gaze and I hardly noticed Esme walk over and take the phone out of my hand. Edward stayed still as I didn't move. By know everyone was up and crowding around me.

"This is Esme, who is this?" She asked calmly. She turned back to me "Its your mother Bella" she said softly. I already knew it was my mother, it was more about her words and her tone. "Are you okay Renee? You sound a little bit distressed" I watched her as her expression dropped and I knew it was as bad as I had thought. There was silence as she listened intently to my mothers muffled string of words.

Out of nowhere, Edward threw his arms around me, pulling my face into his chest as he hugged me tightly. He had read something in Esme's mind to cause this reaction and as much as he was trying to comfort me it was only making me more scared.

"Of course Renee." Esme finally responded. "I'll sort that out right away" she closed the phone and walked towards me, concern clearly being her number one emotion.

"How bad is it?" I asked barely audible.

"Your step dad has been in a car accident Bella" I heard a mumble of gasps but I couldn't turn to see who made the noises. "He's hurt, they aren't sure how bad yet, he's in surgery." I nodded barely taking any of this in. "Your mum was in the car as well" I felt my eyes grow large as I took in her last words, Edwards grip tightened, it was exactly what I needed. I felt like my knees were going to buckle beneath me. "We need to book her flight tickets." she spoke to Edward and I felt him stiffen. She spun then and I saw mum mode take over.

Alice's head snapped from mine to hers. "Want me to go pack for her?" she asked still ever as quirky. Esme nodded and in a blink Alice's small pixie figure was gone.

"Carlisle, call Charlie explain what has happened and that Bella is going to phoenix on the next flight out. Emmett call the airline, see what time the next flight is and get her on it."

"Book me one as well" Edward ordered.

"But it's day Edward and phoenix is sunny." I managed to get out.

"I know but I've been there before and it was fine. Besides I am not letting you go alone. Not when…" he trailed off and I knew he was worried that the stress might send me back to lock down land.

"Two tickets coming up" Emmett said as he vanished.

"Rose, Bella's passport is at home I'm guessing" she tuned as she asked and I nodded a yes in response. "Will you go get it, she will be leaving from here."

I expected Rose to throw a tantrum over having to do something for me but instead she looked at me, sadness etched in her structure instead of the hateful look I had begun to ignore. "Where about is it Bells?"

I knew my face expression was one of shock and I hoped that they didn't realise it was at Rosalie's behaviour. "In my top draw at the back" I spoke a shaky mumble. She nodded and was gone like a flash as well.

"I'll go get Alice help me pack you a few bits Edward" Jasper said as he ran towards the stairs. I couldn't see Edwards face anymore, I couldn't concentrate enough to see if he had given Jasper any kind of a response.

Esme placed her hands on both sides of my face "Your mother is fine, you heard her talking just a little shaken and a few bruises, nothing that wont heal in a few days." She was trying to calm me and it made me wonder just how bad my expression was. "Phil, I'm sure will be fine, he might take longer to heal but he will be fine."

"You don't know that" I said in a small whisper without giving my lips the permission to move. "I'm sorry" I felt the need to apologise, Esme deserved more than that from me and I couldn't cope with anyone talking to her like that, let alone letting myself do it.

"Bella, it's fine. Your just upset, I don't know it but I feel it. Call it a mothers super-intuition." she stroked my face and I noticed Edwards strong arms wrap around me again as he pulled my back against his chest.

Leaning down he whispered in my ear "Breathe Bella" and I was suddenly aware that I hadn't taken a breath in awhile, it explained why I was beginning to feel dizzy.

Everyone seemed to return at once. Alice and Jasper with two bags of luggage. "We packed for all circumstances" Alice announced and I felt a stab at my heart when I realised what she meant. I wondered what little black smart outfit she had bought for me and for what at the time.

"Tickets are booked, flights in two hours, you need to leave now. I assured them you would be there a.s.a.p but they said if we take too long they cant hold the flight, so go now." he said in the calmest non-Emmett like voice I had ever heard. Every ounce of playfulness was gone, no even the smallest reminder of it.

"Passport" Rose said as she handed it to Edward and he tucked it in his back pocket, giving me a small smile "Bella, think positive, there is no point in worrying in less there is no hope and you still have hope." After the night she told me about what happened to her, I had hoped that there was some kind of friendship between us but things seemed to almost go back to how they were before the next day. Yet here she was, talking to me like I was someone she cared about. I nodded at her, a small thank you smile on my lips.

Edward swung me into his arms as he ran out the door, placing me gently into the back seat and strapping me in at lightning speed before I could fight him on it. Jasper followed and placed our luggage in the boot.

"Alice anything?" Edward said as he tuned and looked at her concentrating.

"Nope, it's not clear enough yet." she spoke as Edward flashed to the other side of the car and jumped in next to me. Esme got into the passenger seat and Carlisle took he driving position.

Before I knew it we were pulling into the airport. A journey that should have taken us nearly two hours took us only forty minutes. I followed as Edward and Esme sorted everything out, Carlisle watched me, waiting for the reaction I knew Edward was also hoping wouldn't make an appearance. Saying goodbye and boarding the plane was lost to me, no matter how hard I tried to find some memory from it, the blanker my mind felt.

I began running through what if's, as I sat on the plane feeling Edwards intense stare as he stroked small circles into the back of my hand. A few times he had tried to make conversation but I couldn't manage to make a long enough sentence to sustain one. My mind was lost on what if my mother had died today, something that could of easily happened. I hadn't seen her for months. Even then it had been a short weekend visit. What if Phil dies, how will she cope, she wouldn't. I knew the answer and I also knew what that meant of me. I couldn't abandon her, I couldn't leave her and there was no way she would move back to Forks. I looked up into Edwards eyes and knew that if that happens I would have to leave him. It would destroy me to leave him but I couldn't leave her when she needed me most and Phoenix being Phoenix, it was somewhere the Cullen's could not follow me to. The sun was too bright, too persistent, too reliable. I started to feel a little shaky inside, started to feel the ripping open of the empty hole in my chest I hadn't felt for months, not since he had returned. Here, I wouldn't even have my sun to look after me, I would lose everything and have nothing to hold on to. This would be worse. Not only would I lose my love, my old and new family, my friend, my best friend but I would need to keep it together to look after her, she would see through my lies quicker than Charlie.

"Bella please" I heard a soft whisper and I realised I was staring unseeing at him still.

"Please what?" I asked confused.

"Talk to me Bella, I cant take it, the pain that just crossed your face" he pulled me closer to him "Please just talk to me." he was still whispering and I was happy that it meant I could return my answer in a whisper. It was much easier to talk in whispers, easier to hide the shaking, even the tone.

"Edward" I began, I needed to explain to him before I got there just in case. I needed him to understand the circumstance that might be awaiting us even if I didn't want to think it let alone feel it. The anxious look on his face made me want to curl up and tell him everything was going to be fine, but I couldn't he deserved better of me. "If Phil doesn't make it"

"Don't be so negative. He will be fine." Edward cut me off and I knew he was worried about the consequences as well.

"You wanted me to talk, so listen." I watched pain run over his face as he heard his own conclusions in his head. "If Phil doesn't make it, I cant leave her" I choked out.

"I know. But I figure I can come and spend time with you, it would only be for a few weeks I could handle that indoors." he said reassuringly and I almost stopped my self from correcting him.

"Edward… when I said I cant leave her, what I meant was that I cant leave her" I spoke the last words careful, clearly emphasizing them.

"So longer than a few weeks?" he spoke confusion colouring his tone. I nodded a yes. "Longer than a few months?" he asked suspiciously. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath.

"Edward, she wont move to Forks and she cant take care of herself. I could only leave because Phil is there." I watched him freeze before my eyes, turning into a perfect statue as he realised what I was implying. I waited silently as he just stared at me.

He blinked, slower than the average human "Well, I will just come with you" he spoke slowly.

"Edward how would you cope in Phoenix? Besides…" I stopped talking, I had just taking this thought into account and I felt like I was going to burst out crying. The words started to flow as I tore my eyes away from his and felt the water escape. "I… I… I would have to stay hu…" I left the end of the word off knowing he knew what I meant. "in order to protect her and be with her. Edward I wouldn't be able to join you" by now my sobs were large enough for an airhostess to come over.

"Are you ok madam?" she asked in a polite accent. I didn't even look up and I knew Edward was still staring at me, frozen. "Miss?" I had just torn his world apart, the least I could do was be strong enough to get her to leave.

"I'm sorry yes" I said between sobs. " There's been an accident, that's why we are going to Phoenix and I'm just a bit…" she cut me off.

"No need to explain, if you need something press the bell" she smiled a small smile that was full of compassion as she turned and headed back up the aisle towards her seat.

I turned my attention back to Edward, who was still frozen in the same position, his stare was empty yet somehow was filled with more hurt than I had ever seen before. His right hand had been leaning on the arm rest as he had been speaking to me and it still sat in the same position. I pushed my fingers between his and clasped at his hand as he moved it to lock with mine. I stared at our hands entwined and knew I couldn't give this up but I just couldn't seem to find another answer if the worst was waiting for us. I finally gathered enough courage to look at his face, afraid of what I might see. He looked fierce and decided as he stared right back at.

"Edward" I whispered.

"No." he said coldly. "Don't" he spoke even more blankly.

"I'm sorry" I whispered letting my head drop. I didn't get too far before his other hand was locked firmly on my face pulling me up towards him.

"I said don't." his tone was the same. "Don't say sorry, don't say maybe, don't say goodbye." he rambled. "Because you might leave Forks but there is nothing that would stop me from coming with you." That hadn't been what I was expecting and I knew I must be wearing a completely dumbfounded expression. "Nothing" he said again exaggerating the point.

"But…" I began but he cut me off.

"But nothing." he whispered "Bella I'm not losing you. If I have to stay inside during the day for the next forty years then I will, if I have to feed off of small rodents then I will, if I have to watch you age then I will Bella. I am not leaving you… I cant live without you. I wont." he stated and I couldn't help but feel an instant relief but it was quickly swamped with guilt. I couldn't ask him to do that for me.

"Edward you cant do that, it wont be good for you, its not fair to you." I began stating the obvious when he moved his hand from my cheek and placed it horizontally across my face.

"Bella I will not live in this world without you. You made me promise not to leave you again so now you have to deal with me keeping my promise. Even if you don't want me, I'm still not going anywhere because I will always want you. Besides, at least I get to watch you dream still" his voice that had been so rough and hard was suddenly low and playful. I knew he meant every word but I also knew he was just as afraid of that future as I thought he should be.

As the plane touched down and came to a stop I knew that the time it took to collect our bags, the ten minute drive to the hospital and the five minute walk to his ward was all the time I had left with Edward before Phil's condition might change everything I had just accepted.


	6. Everything changed

**hey everyone... sorry its been so long coming... hope you like it...**

Everything seemed slow motion, nothing seemed real, not the people sitting on the small waiting chairs or the nurse as she ran passed me dragging the wind with her. I was suddenly aware of Edwards hand in front of my face, catching the peace of hair that longed to follow her back down the corridor towards the exit. This is it. This is it. I found myself chanting in my head as I looked towards the nurses station. I couldn't bare to look at Edward, I couldn't bare to see his face, his eyes, his smile… I couldn't bare to lose him again but I couldn't be selfish enough to take him up on his offer if it was as bad as my brain was calculating.

I barely noticed we stopped, I barely noticed the eyes that were waiting for my response from across the counter. Her blonde hair was smoothed back into a tight pony tail, her blue eyes smiled down with understanding at me and I couldn't answer what I didn't know what had been asked.

"I'm sorry its just… she's in shock" I heard Edward explaining and I willed my brain to work.

"Don't worry, most people tend to be" she batted her beautiful lashes at him and my stomach did another flip. Was she seriously flirting with him! Anger began to fill my head and I knew my checks flushed red when Edward wrapped his arm tightly around my shoulders and pulled me close.

"I'm looking for Renee and Phil Dwyer" I spoke out in an irritated tone. I waited for Edward to say something, he normally did. Something along the lines of 'don't be ridiculous Bella, I'm not even paying attention to her' or 'at least your not hearing what she is thinking, some humans are so…' or my favourite 'Bella its not her fault, don't get so angry about it' sometimes he really could frustrate me. What I often found was the funniest thing about our relationship was his entire way of looking at it. If a girl noticed him, it wasn't a big deal after all they are created to pull my kind in but if a boy so much as noticed me I felt him stiffen and it was almost as if he wanted to rip them apart right then for it. And so I waited… but he didn't say anything. The nurse told us the room number for Renee, apparently Phil had been rushed back into surgery and so we had no choice but wait for my news. As we approached Renee's room, I felt Edward tug me as he stopped walking and then he was in front of me, holding my face tightly between his hands, forcing my eyes into his.

"Bella please. I cant cope, I'm trying but…" I could hear and see the desperation and I knew I couldn't do this to him, he always found it hard that he couldn't hear my thoughts and that was on a normal day. I took a deep breath and cut him off.

"I'm sorry. I know." I sighed and let the pain of losing him seep through me. If I was going to do this, really do this I needed to be strong… he wouldn't leave in less I forced him and I wouldn't let him waste away indoors. If I had to stay, he had to leave.

We stared into each others eyes and I watched the molten swish about as he tried intensely to read my thoughts again. My head started going dizzy, there was suddenly four golden eyes watching me, then six. Edward noticed my withdrawal from the conversation and released my face to take my back instead. As my head span, he moved me quickly into the room next door to Renee's, thankfully it was open and empty.

"Bella love, Bella just breathe" he spoke and I watched as four identical hands took out four identical phones and began typing in the number simultaneously. That was all I could take before I felt my stomach twist and I knew any second my stomach contents were going to be all of him if I didn't get to a bin or a sink. "What are you doing, lay down" he commanded but as I threw one hand over my mouth and pushed him with the other, he realised what was happening. Grabbing me and moving with vampire speed I was suddenly over the toilet in the small closet size bathroom, with Edward holding my hair off my face as I let go of all control.

"Edward…get…out…of…here" I got out in-between gasps for air.

"Not likely Bella." he responded to me before talking on the phone. "Carlisle something is wrong, Bella's went dizzy and now she's vomiting" there was silence as I tried to catch my breath. "Bella, how does your head feel?" he asked with caution and I knew exactly what Carlisle was expecting to happen next.

"Oh no. Oh god no. Not again." panic lined my every word.

"Bella, is it sore?" he spoke trying to keep his calm façade and failing miserably.

"No, just…" he waited patiently as I let out another round "dizzy" I spoke again.

Edward spoke quicker than my brain was able to handle then and I knew there was no point of trying to understand what he was saying. As my sick feeling subsided and the dizziness vanished almost immediately, I fell backwards into Edwards arms and we landed on the floor. He didn't even try to move me but he reached up to get me tissue.

"How do you feel?" he asked cautiously.

"Better" I replied and found that I really did. "I don't really feel sick at all, kinda like I never was sick" I spoke with realisation. Edward just stared down at me, confusion lined his face in hard etched lines as he took in what I was saying and compared it with how I looked.

"you do look better" he said surprising himself. Taking one last deep breath I stood and closed my eyes and I gathered every bit of my strength… this was going to be tough.

"Are you ok?" he whispered softly in my ear.

"I am now" I said opening my eyes and smiling up to him. "Lets do this." I took his hand and led him out of the room and towards Renee's.

"I'm here" he whispered softly into my ear as we walking into her room and I took in the sight in front of me. He squeezed my hand and I squeezed back. Laying still, pale and broken looking, was my mother hooked up to about ten machines measuring absolutely everything about her they could. Her delicate beautiful face was battered and bruised, covered in gashes that made it hard to believe that she was still breathing. I turned to look at Edward and he looked down at me. "Bella it's alright. She's just sleeping. They sedated her earlier, but she should be waking up soon. Its going to be fine. I promise."

"You don't know that. You cant promise me that. What if?" I rambled until he cut me off.

"Stop stressing please. What if nothing. Nothing is going to change us, nothing." he spoke knowing what I was referring to.

"Bella" another voice broke through our conversation and I looked over to see Renee waking up slowly. I let go of Edwards hand and ran to her side, brushing her hair softly off her face.

"I'm here mum. Are you ok?" I choked out and I was immediately aware that the tears were about to start flowing. Before she could answer I knew I needed to get out quickly "I'll go get a nurse" I said cutting her off and Edward looked at me with the strangest conflict raging in his emotions. As I ran out the door, I headed for the nurses station. "Renee Dwyer room 611 is awake" I let out before dashing down the corridor and around the corner into the small waiting room that was luckily empty. I pushed my back against the wall and closed my eyes, trying to fight back the tears. It was just all too much. The feeling in my legs went and I found my body buckling beneath me as I slid down the wall and pushed my head into my bent knees. Wrapping both hands around my ankles, I let the tears flow freely hoping the sooner I let it all go the sooner I could return to her and Edward.

After a short moment, I felt a cold hand stroking the back of my neck. I didn't have to look up to know that it was him. He didn't say anything he just sat with me in silence, stroking my neck as I let the tears flow over my jeans. "I should go back" I whispered out but his response was simply to pull me close. "Edward?"

"shhhh. Bella just breathe. I read her chart. Would you like to know about your mums condition?" he spoke calmly but this time it didn't seem like a façade. I nodded and he began. "She looks worse than she is." he stated firstly knowing that was what I needed to hear. "She's actually not that bad. A few cuts and bruises, mainly the ones you saw on her face. Her leg is broken but they've already begun mending it. She'll be walking on it in no time." he smiled a small smile at me and I felt my heart melt. She was really ok.

"and Phil…" I asked but cringed away when I saw Edwards face harden. "That bad?" he glanced down and I knew it was.

"Bella, he's… the reason… you see…" he was tripping over his words, this was never a good sign. He stopped and took a long breath. "Bella, nothing and I mean Nothing" he exaggerated it through tight lips "will come between us" I felt my heart drop. "Nothing is going to change between us." he was nodding his head as he spoke as if he was willing me to agree with him.

"Just say it…" I could here the deadness leaking out of my voice.

"His brain swelled, so they had to release the pressure. The only way to do that was to put him into a coma" I nodded accepting what he was telling me. "Bella he might not wake up." he spoke so softly that I almost didn't hear him. I felt the cold rush through me, the emptiness run through my veins as I knew the end of life as I knew it was here, now.

"Everything's changed" I said in a cold manner as I pushed away from him and off the floor. Standing above him, looking into his eyes, I suddenly understood with perfect clarity how he must have felt that day in the forest. I knew I didn't want to do this but if I didn't he would stay, I wanted him to stay but if he did… I felt the tears forming behind my lids and I knew I needed to walk away from him now but I couldn't let go of him just yet. I read his face as he took in my calm expression, I watched fear spread before he had time to use his calm façade. Could I really do this? Was I strong enough? I put out my hand and gave him a small tight smile. "Come on" I said as he reached his hand to mine and took it.


	7. Dont do this

**Chapter 7 - Dont do this...**

I could feel his stiffness as we walked hand in hand down the corridor, at least I knew my mum would survive this, even if I wasn't sure that I would. Once I crossed the doorway, everything would be different. I knew I would have to say goodbye to Edward and I knew I would have to do it soon but I couldn't do it yet, I still needed him. I knew I was being selfish but saying goodbye to him really would destroy me but maybe I could still write to him, just to know that he's alright, that they all are. No. I thought. That wouldn't be fair to him, maybe I could stay in touch with Alice, but if he ever found out. I had a harder mission to complete before I had to worry about surviving losing him again. Somehow I needed to convince him to go, that I didn't love him or want him. I needed to use his own trick against him but I wasn't entirely sure it would work.

As we took the final step across the threshold I took a long deep breath and in my head said goodbye to the life I had once deemed possible as having. The life with him. With them.

Renee was wide awake staring at me from her bed with a small smile on her lips. I could see her strength wavering and knew she was fully aware of Phil's condition. When I reached her side she leaned towards me and hugged me tightly.

"Finally got those needles out, only stuck with this one now" she tried to make a joke, but the sadness in her voice took over. She wasn't use to having to play fine, she had never let anything get to her before and she had never been a good liar.

"It's a good thing as well or Bella wouldn't of been able to handle it" I could hear the strain in his voice but I played along with his attempt of humour for Renee's sake.

I let out a small laugh which sounded more like a sigh "Yeah, I would have fainted I guess" I turned to Edward and read the worry in his eyes.

"I'm going to go call my family, let them know we got here safely. Want me to let Charlie know?" I nodded at him before turning back to my mum. Strong, cold and nonchalant. I kept repeating hoping it would help me with the whole situation.

Time passed and as I sat with her, we spoke about many things and laughed over the things I had missed and she had missed. I could hear the lump in her throat every time she spoke of Phil or anything related to him and I was certain she could hear it in mine anytime we spoke of the Cullen's and Edward.

"Hon, what's wrong? Are you and Edward fighting?" so she did notice.

"Nope. He's being wonderful as normal" I tried on Edwards calm façade and found that my mum ate it right up.

It had been about thirty minutes since Edward had left to phone our families in Forks and he still hadn't returned. I got up explaining to my mum that I just wanted to make sure he didn't get lost, knowing that was an impossibility. I stuck my head out the door and caught a glimpse of the back of his head as he stood next to the nurses station, slowly I began moving towards him until I could see who he was talking to. The man was older than Charlie, with mostly grey hair, his expensive suit was finished off with a white lab coat and a surgical mask hanging out the corner. Why was Edward talking to the doctor? I headed towards them slowly and watched as the doctor patted Edward soothingly on the shoulder before turning and walking away. Edward dropped his head into his hands and I knew that if a vampire could cry, then he would be.

He must have caught my scent because his whipped his head up and looked directly at me - pain twisted every detail on his face - reaching into his pocket to take out his phone, he turned away heading out the exit doors. I wanted to run to him, to see what had just happened but I didn't. Instead my mind told me to walk away and let him begin to think I don't care about him.

"Did you find him?" Renee asked as I re-entered her room to find her eating her lime Jelly.

"Yeah, he was still on the phone so I left him alone" I sent her a smile and I hoped to God that she noticed it because I wasn't positive I could do it again anytime soon.

More time passed, our conversations turned to Charlie and school, my friends, University and pretty much anything else she could think of to ask. We even spoke about Jacob. It was as she spoke of him I realised my plan. What if I made Edward think I chose Jacob, it wouldn't be difficult, Jacob had always been our relationships weakness at least in Edwards mind. A fresh start. Edward finally walked into the room, it had been over two hours since he had first left and even I was intrigued to find out what he had been doing.

"Get lost?" Renee asked trying to make conversation with him.

Edward smiled politely back before answering "Sorry I was so long, I was just sorting things out with my family" he looked at me and smiled his crooked smile, the cold ice that had already begun freezing my heart melted instantly. "Everything is sorted".

I raised an eyebrow at him as he sat down next to me and took hold of my hand. Leaning in close he whispered in my ear "Nothing changes." My eyes flew from the floor to Renee's face when I heard her sigh.

"Young love" she smiled at us and I knew she would be against my plan. I wonder if she would be so alright with me marrying Edward if she knew the truth about him. I hoped she would.

The doctor entered then and Renee asked us to leave her, to give her thirty before returning. My mum was just like Charlie in some ways, always wanted to handle things on her own. Walking down the hallway I was silent. I didn't know what to say to him, was he serious? I was afraid that if I said the wrong thing that it would be the end now and I didn't want that… not yet.

"Come for a walk with me in the garden?" he spoke as he put a hand out for me to take. I smiled up at him and let him lead the way.

"I know you know Edward. Please just tell me" I said to him before we had even made it out the doors to the small garden-like area.

"He's stable... But they don't know. It's a fifty-fifty chance." I nodded accepting that I would be staying here now. I instantly felt myself freeze - felt the cold run through me, a habit I had clearly picked up from Edward. "Bella listen to me. Don't do this!" but I couldn't look at him. "Nothing has to change for us. I'm not leaving you. Its all arranged already you don't even have to worry about anything."

"All arranged already?" I asked caught off guard.

"Bella you agreed to marry me… I will follow you anywhere… Even here." the cold rushed through me again and I knew it was now or never.

"No you cant" I replied as I pulled my hand from his.

"Bella"

"Edward just listen" I felt the open hole beginning to return to my chest. "I thought I could do this, live in this fantasy but I cant!" it was definitely there now tearing its way through me.

"Bella your being dramatic, I can handle it, no matter how long it will be fine." his words cut me… I didn't want him to have to be inside, to live like a creature of the night. Besides how would we explain it to Renee. No, I couldn't do this. I had to make him go.

I took a deep breath and looked him dead in the eye. "And what if I don't want to live in your world anymore?" my voice was cold, uncaring, completely emptied of compassion. He stepped back from my words and just watched me as I watched him. More time passed and my mask never faulted.

"You don't mean that" but his voice didn't sound sure.

"Yeah I think I do." he just watched me again, frozen.

"No… no… I don't… you cant just change your mind like that" he was right and I knew what I had to use if I wanted him to believe me.

"Its not just like that... Argh… Edward please don't make me say it…"

"Don't!" he cut me off, angry now. "I know what your doing. Don't!" I just stared at him, I knew all I had to say was Jacobs name but I couldn't bring myself to say it. He walked towards me and took my hand "listen to me first, ok. Don't do this… not yet. I promise if it gets too hard I will go but don't make the same mistake I did Bella, don't push me away. It nearly killed us both last time." I looked down remembering how it felt to think I wouldn't make it in time. He was right. "I already arranged everything" I raised an eyebrow at that comment.

"You did?"

"Yes. Everything is sorted… I've even bought a house. I wanted to surprise you but I … its more important you know that I'm serious about staying with you. I was hoping it could be our house while we're here" I couldn't believe it. He's bought a house. He watched me, searching my face for any sign that I'd changed my mind on making him leave.

"You… bought… a… house?" I couldn't believe it let alone say it. A small smile lifted at one side of his mouth as he saw me wavering.

"Yes. I just have to pick up the keys and sign the contract. We can stay here as long as you want Bella. Its outside of town, secluded and far enough that I can wonder in the day on the grounds but close enough that we can get to your mum quickly." I was shocked. How did I deserve this man and the things he would do for me. Could I really let him do this?

"What about your family?"

"Bella, they understand. They will come and visit and if I ask they will move but I don't want to ask that in less I have to. Besides I've gone off by myself before and we're getting married soon." he held my face in his hands. "Please… give me a chance. Please" he begged of me to reconsider. "Please" he whispered before leaning his forehead to mine, waiting for my answer.

How could I turn him away now, hurt him more than he deserves. We could try it, if he was truly willing to try it wouldn't it be wrong not to? "Edward" he kept his eyes closed "If it gets too hard you have to tell me. Promise me?" he opened his eyes and his smile spread across his face touching his eyes. He nodded once before leaning in and kissing me passionately.

As much as I needed him here, if it got too much for him or too dangerous, if anyone got suspicious of what he was… I would have to say my goodbye, even if it means hurting him and lying to him.

"Look at that" he nodded his head towards the sky and the perfectly clear sky dotted with bright sparks.

"Pretty, its so clear tonight" I whispered. It sounded wrong to speak loud and ruin the peacefulness.

"I could get use to looking at that. Still… it doesn't compare to you" he winked at me and I couldn't help but laugh. Then I realised the obvious fact. Here in Florida, Edward would be living like a stereotypical vampire, he wouldn't be able to go out in the day, how is he meant to pick up keys and sign a contract?

"When do you pick up the keys? Do you need me to?" he looked at me confused at first but gradually his confusion turned into a smile as he caught on to what I was stressing about.

"In about forty minutes. I paid them a small bit extra to sort it all out tonight" Small. Huh. I doubt any bribes from the Cullen's were small.

"Not that I'm complaining but… you didn't spend a lot… did you?" I knew it was a stupid question, how could he not spend a lot on a house.

"Well, I didn't really have a choice Bella. We needed a house with certain specification and they happened to be considered luxuries for humans." he shrugged. I took a deep breath but found that I was more relieved that he could stay with me than anything. "Besides this way we can tell your mum I have to work or something during the day, so I can only come over in the evenings." at least that was true. It would make trying to hide his secret easier. "and… when you join me we can come and spend time with Renee without worrying about the weather" he spoke in a small voice as if he wasn't certain that I still wanted that. I knew that this would make a time delay, if Renee needed me I would be here but if I was with Edward then of course I would still want to spend eternity with him. I would always want to spend eternity with him even if I couldn't.

"Edward I still want to join you, I just might need a bit of time first"

"Take as long as you need and want." he kissed me again and this time I found myself throwing all of my strength into it… I had been so close to losing him again, to letting him go that all I wanted to do now was fall asleep in his perfect arms.

We headed back in to find Renee sitting up reading a magazine, I looked up at Edward and whispered as quiet as I could. "How is she?" he didn't look at me.

"She's strong"

I let go of his hand to walk over and take the seat next to the head of her bed. "Any news?" she looked up at me and then glanced at Edward.

"Thank you" I couldn't help glance back and forth, what had I missed. Edward gave her a soft nod as an acceptance before she answered my thought. "Edward made some calls and Dr Cullen called in some favours, some of the best doctors have agreed to take on Phil's case."

"ooh" was my fantastic response. I looked at Edward and I couldn't help but wonder why he hadn't mentioned it. He moved the other chair swiftly towards mine and took place next to me rubbing my arm.

"Later" he winked and that same smile took over my features.

"Do you want the keys to the house Bella, there over in my bag" Renee pointed with the only part of her that wasn't purple.

"Actually mum, I was thinking that, you know being engaged and all, that I might stay with Edward." my mum looked completely confused.

"Of course Bella did you think I wasn't going to allow Edward to stay at the house." she let out a small laugh.

"Actually Renee, my family bought us a house here, it was meant to be a wedding present so that we could come and stay here for awhile after the wedding but given the circumstances they thought it would be useful."

"Ooh" she looked down at me with questioning eyes "Well you two are getting married soon, if you both think it's a good idea then who am I to stop you." she plastered a fake smile across her face. I didn't think the smile was fake because she didn't want us to be together but more that she was far too worried and upset to really smile.

"I need to pick up the keys soon. I should really get going. Do you want me to pick you up afterwards?"

"Ummm ok" I didn't want to leave my mum but I knew he wouldn't be able to pick me up once the sun began to shine.

"Bella you should go now baby, I'm about to go to sleep anyway, I can feel the meds taking affect. I have my cell and I have both your numbers. Go get some sleep." god, that sounded good, sleep.

"Are you sure, I can stay?"

"Bella… go" I gave her a kiss on the forehead before leaving with Edward and wishing her a good nights sleep.

"How are you?" he asked as we walked out the main entrance.

"Been better" he nodded. "Been worse though" he stroked my hair as I we reached the front of his hired vehicle. He bent down to kiss me softly.

"You ready to see our new home?" his loving stare always dazzled me

"Oooo, Charlie is soooo going to kill us."

Edward let out a small laugh as he agreed with me. "That's going to be one interesting conversation."

I couldn't help but burst out with shaky laughter.


	8. A little control

**Chapter 8 - A little control**

Of everything I had ever expected it wasn't this. It was only slightly smaller than the Cullen's home in Fork, but the grounds alone made it seem much more grander. All of the land was surrounded by a tall gold brick wall with large black iron gates at the only entrance. The second I saw the iron gates I couldn't help but think of the bed Edward had bought as a gift for me back in Forks, his way of making me feel welcomed into the Cullen's home. Passed the gates was the long drive way which led right up to the double doors of our new home, Our home. He was right this place was perfect for him there was plenty of privacy and grounds that he could walk around freely during the hot days and not have to worry about being caught by anyone. To say the house was beautiful was an understatement but to say the house was something I would have chosen would have been completely incorrect. I could see from the way Edward was watching me take it all in, he was completely aware that it wasn't exactly what I expected.

"It's the best I could find on such short notice, I'm sorry" was my expression that terrible.

"No, Edward its beautiful, no… its more than beautiful. Its just so big." I said spinning around in a circle looking around at everything.

"I know but at least there's plenty of space if anyone comes to stay and its not going to be our home forever, just a little vacation home for when you want to spend time with Renee." he smiled at me and I was suddenly lost his eyes. He was right. It was everything we needed and more, it wouldn't be our home forever and if anything it would definitely make Renee and Charlie a little bit more secure about us, at least financially. I looked at Edwards pleading eyes, took one step closer and wrapped my arms around his neck looking deeply into his eyes.

"Its perfect, really." he looked confused as if he had been expecting me to throw a fit about its size and price tag but right now, I couldn't care less about either. I was here, my mum was alive, he was here… something I was completely torn about. I still wanted him to go, I wanted to be brave and let him off the hook, let him be able to enjoy the day. Yet, the thought of him going was more than I could handle. Was it selfish if I allowed him to stay, allowed him to give up the daylight hours to be with me?

"You are my life Bella, without you… It wouldn't be worth living". he spoke gently before closing the small gap between us and locking his lips to mine.

"You haven't shown me upstairs yet?" I smirked at him, trying shamelessly to flirt at him but I could see the raging conflict behind his eyes. It took him a few seconds before he finally pulled me into his arms and took off at vampire speed up the stairs and into our part furnished room. He let out a loud laugh when he saw the bed that was placed in the centre of the room. I couldn't help but laugh with him. It was the same black iron bed from Forks. "Looks like this house was meant for us" I laughed louder as he placed me softly down on the mattress.

"Hmm. Maybe we should have taken Renee's offer to stay at hers tonight. I don't think there is any covers. Give me a moment" and with that he was gone. I lid back propping myself up on my elbows and started contemplating what living together could mean for us. "Found some sheets, they seem to be clean" I nodded, glad as I often was that he couldn't read my mind. He threw it over me covering my face and I began struggling to get free of the thick white sheet but just as I found my exit, Edward appeared under the sheet with me, smiling his crooked smile and melting my heart.

"Trying to distract me Mr Cullen?" I asked laughing as he bent his head down to kiss along my jaw line, starting at my ear, brushing his cold lips slowly until he reached my bottom lip.

"Is it working?" my eyes were shut but I didn't need to see his face to know the mischievous look that was playing around his features.

"Mmm…" was all my mind could manage. He let out a small growl and I could feel his air rushing against my lips making me shudder. He suddenly grabbed me much tighter than he ever had but it wasn't painful, if anything I wanted him to hold me even closer, if that was possible. I forced my lips against his and knotted my hands into the back of his hair. Enjoying every second he gave me before the inevitable pull away presented itself. But it didn't come. He continued to kiss me, growling in between the kisses as his hand slid from my face, down my arm, across my hip line and down the inside of my leg. He chased the shivering line he had left on my thigh around in circles causing me to shiver even more, arching my back into him. Leaving my lips he poured kisses down my neck and across my collar bone. Was he trying to drive me insane or had he actually changed his mind? Either way I wasn't going to argue with him about it. I lid back as he continued to kiss the same trail from my collar bone to my ear and back again, his hand slowly moved upwards from my thigh to the top of my jeans where he pinched the end of my top and moved it up, exposing my stomach. His hand than began tracing lines back and forth, creating soothing patterns around my belly button but he eventually moved down and began creating the same lines with his lips and tongue.

"Ed…wa…rrrd?" I spoke in between moans as I pushed my head further back into the mattress.

And then he stopped… resting his head against my stomach he let out a loud sigh and pushed his way back through the sheet until our faces were just inches apart.

"I'm sorry, I got carried away, I didn't mean to, I shou" I cut him off. Was he seriously apologising?

"What are you saying sorry for? That was…just…"I bit my bottom lip hard and watched as he focused on it. Suddenly he was laying next to me instead of on top of me and I turned my head to see his clearly conflicted expression. "What's wrong?"

"It's just so hard being with you, knowing what you want makes it even harder to not give in" he spoke quickly and with a slight edge. He was obviously angry with what he would class as a lack of control but I couldn't agree less, if he had anymore control I would never get my way.

"Well we could…" I said quietly only to get a louder huff from Edward.

"Bella its too.." I cut him off.

"too dangerous blah blah blah… you don't know that Edward and look that wasn't that bad was it?" he was quiet before a small smirk began playing along his lips. He didn't answer me, instead he simply pushed up close to me, wrapped his arm around me and gave me one final kiss before humming my lullaby. "Trying to distract me again?"

"If it stops this conversation again then yes" I laughed and turned into him to face him. "Get some sleep Bella you look tired".

"I am tired." I realised.

"Sleep my Bella. We have plenty of time to argue about it tomorrow." his crooked smile nearly made me lose my little bit of self control but he just began humming again and I found myself slipping off quickly.

__

The corridors were empty and too white, the walls glowing making it harder to see, burning my eyes, while my tears ran streamed down. I began running, hearing voices but not knowing who they belonged to, running faster and faster until I could clearly see room 611 in front of me. My mothers room. I almost slid past the door as Edward caught me and held me tightly against him, shielding me from whatever was happening in there. I began fighting against him, figuring the worst was happening. I clung with two fingers on to the door frame as I pushed my way angrily off of him, if he hadn't let go I surely would have broken many bones. I peered round as I took the corner too wide and nearly knocked Charlie over.

"Mum" I shouted as I slid down to the end of her bed. She was laying flat on the bed, too still, too pale. "Mum, no! Mum!" Four hands grabbed me now, I looked up to see Edward's golden eyes peering down at me as he pulled my right side away from the bed but when I looked to the other side I couldn't breathe. Blood red eyes stared down at me, from Jasper's face. His skin was just as cold as Edward's but somehow more frightening, as they easily pulled me backwards away from the bed.

I jumped up in the bed, my eyes wide trying desperately to catch my breath. I turned to stare into the worried golden eyes and I couldn't find the power to say anything. Neither did he. That's when the expected happened. The burning began again, followed by the pulling pain. Edward flicked his phone open and began speaking almost instantly at a speed that I had no chance of following, even without the pain that was spreading quickly. The snapping sensation started then and I couldn't help but throw my head back, instantly Edward was holding on to me, he was saying something but I couldn't hear him. It wasn't just him, I couldn't hear anything. He pulled me in close to him and I watched as panic took over him. I thought about the day after, about the control I felt - Just breathe, Stay calm, Try to control it - I chanted to myself over and over. I closed my eyes and searched for the original snapping point until I found it. The burning continued but it was almost as if I had somehow pushed it away. Slowly I noticed sounds returning, Edward's voice calling my name, the wind whooshing past as I swung my head forward. The burning started to lessen as the snapping point seemed to get further and further away. I wanted to open my eyes to look at him, to reassure him but I wasn't convinced that I could. I felt his hands release me and I heard the bedroom door bang shut, without thinking I snapped my eyes open to find an empty room - what happened? - I thought. Throwing my hand over my forehead I leaned forward placing my elbow on my knee and it was only then I realised what had happened. There was blood everywhere, all over the sheet, all down my clothes and across my face. The pressure in my head must have caused a nose bleed which had made Edward leave before he lost his real control. Getting up slowly, grabbing the sheets, I walked to the en-suite and began washing off the blood. After a few moments, a low knock on the bathroom door stole my attention.

"Bella, are you alright?" he sounded so ashamed and quiet, too tight.

"Yeah. Edward I'm so sorry about" I said as I turned the lock on the door and opening it. "what happened" he looked so torn, broken.

His voice was so low and shaky "Don't apologise, I should have been able"

"Shhh. Stop. Of course I understand." he wouldn't even look at me, I wanted to go closer to him but I had blood on my top still and I knew it was hurting him. I took a step back and contemplated going back to the sink and washing it off but he just looked so hurt and broken, I didn't want to waste time, I just wanted him in my arms. "Edward" he still didn't look at me and that made my mind up. Grabbing the ends of my top, I yanked it up over my head and threw it on the floor. I watched Edwards face carefully as I did it and saw his eyes flicker to my top and then away. His expression screwed up and I new he was contemplating on what he should do now. I walked towards him and threw my arms tightly around him, I felt the tear beginning to push past my barrier and I couldn't hold it any longer. His arms tightened around me and he lifted me into his arms.

"What did you see Bella?" he whispered in my ear. "You called your mums name and…" the tears flowed more freely now.

"Edward, I think she… I think she" I couldn't say it.

"I wont let it happen Bella. Carlisle is on his way with the others. We will take care of it all." he promised and I couldn't doubt him.


	9. Awake or Asleep?

**_Chapter 9 - awake or asleep?_**

The night passed slowly after that. Mostly we just stared at one another, I was trying to figure out what he was thinking and I was pretty sure that he was wondering the same about me. Every now and then I would get a few sharp pains in my head as if the snap was coming again and every time he held me tight and whispered "its going to be fine" in my ear. Although he meant it to be soothing it didn't help that his voice seemed so scared and worried. The truth was, we had theories but that's all we had. We didn't know what was wrong with me or what was to come. I knew I would feel better once Carlisle got here but still, he didn't know anything either.

It seemed to take hours for the sun to finally come up, we sat inside the window of our bedroom watching the light illuminate the gardens before it started to reach the house. The light came through the window and I felt as if I was inside a disco ball. His skin reflected off of everything and I heard him sigh. This was definitely the strongest I had ever seen his skin sparkle, even in the meadow, the sun was not strong enough to cause this. The last time we had been in Florida he had chosen to hide away in the days, even from me he stayed clear of the windows and made sure they were shut the entire time. I felt his grip around my stomach tighten so that I couldn't turn around to see him.

"Edward what's wrong?"

"Nothing" he spoke quick and left no room for anymore to come.

"Will you let go of me so I can turn around then please" I asked knowing he was about to come up with some kind of excuse.

"But I'm comfortable" well that just wasn't like him. His constant giving nature to me had caused me to become a little selfish and so when he wouldn't give me what I wanted I knew there was something wrong with him.

"Edward. Let go of me" I spoke strongly hoping he would follow my order but instead he just tightened his grip a little more. "Why wont you let me see you?"

He let out a deep breath "Bella before, it wouldn't look like now. The sun is so powerful here that its much more intense. I don't want to frighten you." I let out a loud giggle. Frighten me? Was he serious. "why are you laughing?" he sounded so confused.

"You really think that if I see you sparkling more than normal I'm going to run off into the sunshine away from you?" I asked sarcastically. It took him a while before he made any attempt to answer or move.

"Fine" he threw at me, fed up. "I guess your going to see anyway" I couldn't help but laugh at his tone as he released me. I turned slowly, for the first time in a long time I was actually worried about what I might see. But what I did see was completely breath taking. I couldn't help but think back to the day in Italy, with the sun so bright, what everyone would have seen. I couldn't speak. Magical.

His face turned into an even deeper scowl as I'm sure he was cursing himself for being different as he often did, I hated seeing him like that. I placed my hand on to his bare chest and I let the massive smile take over my face when I saw the sparkles reflecting off my skin. He noticed too.

"Hmm" he grunted.

"What?" lower than a whisper, it seemed wrong to ruin this moment with speech somehow.

"it's just, well it kind of suits you, I mean I can … it doesn't matter" he fell over his words and I knew exactly what 'didn't matter' he thought if he was to give me any more encouragement about joining him, that I would only make him or Carlisle do it sooner.

"It kind of does" I said simply. Now was not the time to have that conversation again and I didn't want to even think about that till I knew exactly what was happening with Renee. He stared at me, and I recognised that look in his eye. He was trying to read my mind, now that he had heard my mind I was certain he was trying much more often.

"You get dressed, I'll get breakfast" he ordered as he stood gradually and walked towards the bedroom door. He was so amazing, I often still felt like I was stuck inside a dream, maybe I was locked up in some mental institute stuck in my own little world of vampires and werewolves. I couldn't help but laugh at that thought.

After a quick shower and dressing, throwing on the first outfit I pulled from my bag, I ran down the stairs smelling the food he was cooking.

"When did you learn to cook?" I said as I causally walked up behind him and placed both arms around him.

"I watched a few cooking shows, figured I might as well learn how to take care of you for now." he spoke as if learning this was nothing hard and for him, it wasn't.

I just nodded my head in response… it just wasn't fair that he got to be perfect at everything but somehow I wasn't surprised by that fact anymore.

"When did you get food?" I suddenly realised that there shouldn't have been food here and yet here he was cooking.

"I bought a few things, just in case. You'd be surprised what they sell in a hospital store" he laughed at his own disbelief.

As I ate, I noticed him watching me, my every movement and I knew what he was trying to detect. As calm as he was pretending to be, I knew he was panicking inside, just as I was. Edward didn't like to be defeated by anything, especially when it had to do with his family or me. Once again we argued over books and music and once again I gave up knowing that he would never understand my reasoning for loving Wuthering Heights. That was when he brought it up. Our wedding.

"So… I know this isn't the right time Bella and I'm not trying to rush anything but the invites have already gone out… should I send out new ones with a different date or should I …?" he broke off and I knew what he was really asking me. Will I still marry him if the worst happens?

"Ummm… lets wait for now. See how things pan out." I knew it wasn't the answer he wanted but it was the best truthful answer I had for him.

"Yeah… ok" he answered simply. I responded with a nod as a knock came to the door. "I'll get that" he vanished from the table as I stood and went to clean my plate.

One by one the Cullen's entered the house and greeted me. One by one they gave me that same look, the same one Edward had been sporting every time he thought I wasn't watching. I didn't need Edwards powers to know what they were all thinking and all I had to do was watch Edward to get a sense of what was being spoken about silently. Edward casually lifted his eyes to the ceiling and then to the floor, moving his foot as if appreciating his shoes. Yes. I scanned the room, that was an answer for Alice. Edward scratched his right cheek followed by his left. No. I scanned again, Emmett was looking back and forth between us, his face seemed more worried than the others. A deeper frown carved his face as he began walking towards me before lifting me into a tight hug. Whatever Edward answered, it had not been the response Emmett wanted.

"It's alright lil sis, we're gonna fix this." he stated as Edward sighed.

"Emmett" Edward glared and he put me down.

"First answering with subtle looks and scratches, now commands with just one word. Wow Edward, care to share?" I was irritated and I couldn't hold it in. They were talking about me for God sake, I deserved to know. They all dropped their eyes to the floor. Bad sign.

"Bella I'm sorry, we're just worried" Esme spoke up first but Edward refused to look at me knowing he had been caught. "Don't blame Edward. He didn't want to bring it up but we wanted an update"

"Edward…" I spoke simple. Doing the same thing in had witnessed. A one word command.

"They wanted to know how you were and if you had another …er…. Fit?" as he spoke the last word he turned to Carlisle who in response shrugged and nodded in the positive.

"You can ask me" I spoke loudly, full of irritation. No one spoke. It was only then in that silence I realised why my irritation was flaring so much. A small pain in the back of my head had begun moving slowly towards the front, it felt like it was bubbling, carving a tunnel the whole way through. I decided not to say anything. If I told them they would only treat me like a patient even more. "I'm fine" I lied as they watched me curiously. They seemed to buy it, how strange, it must have been my anger that put them off looking further into it. As they spoke about Renee and Phil, they watched me, thinking I couldn't see each and every one of them as they tried to be inconspicuous about it. I really had been around them too long. The small pain was a lot more intense now. I could feel the bubbling at the top of my nose. I knew this feeling, I had had this feeling many times before. Nose bleed. I stood up, knowing after my birthday part what a mistake bleeding around them was. Edward stood as well.

"Are you ok?" he asked as they all leaned in to see the outcome of my dramatic stand. LIE. My head screamed at me. GET OUT OF THERE NOW. It continued.

"Yep fine. Just need the um, bathroom" I started walking away, well nearly running as I felt the first drop trickle down the inside of my nose.

"Bella… are you sure your o…" Edward cut off as I hit the first couple of steps. Damn he smelt it. I ran faster now and as I was closing the door I heard the gasps from the others. Damn they all smelt it. Grabbing a towel and holding it tightly to my nose, I threw myself back against the door and slid down hoping the smell would be caught in the towel.

There was nothing but silence from downstairs, I would never admit it but I was actually scared sitting on the tile flooring. I had made out like the events of my birthday meant nothing but I don't think it would ever be possible to get the vision of Jasper diving towards me, it was just that he had looked so demonic. A sudden knock on the door pulled me from my thought.

"Bella" a tight voice sounded from the other side. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine Edward. Go back downstairs, I'll come down soon." I spoke through the towel. I heard him hit his head off the door before letting out a loud sigh. "I'm sending Carlisle up" he spoke again after a few seconds.

"It's nothing Edward, I'll be down in a minute"

"Bella please" he pleaded and I could hear the defeat in his unusual husky voice.

"Ok. But I promise I'm fine. Really." I just wanted to make him feel better and I knew Carlisle could handle the blood.

Within seconds Carlisle was at the door. "Bella open up" he spoke as he knocked three time. Three loud bangs rang through my head and I couldn't help but grab at both sides. "Bella" he spoke again but the pain was too intense to acknowledge him. "Edward she's not responding" he called away from the door and I was positive I heard him running up the stairs.

"Bella love, open up" he knocked again waiting on my response but his knock only sent another wave of pain through my head. "Bella" fearful now. "Love, I'm coming in" he couldn't see me like this, not with the blood. I threw my hand sharply against the door making another loud bang that sent shivers through my body from the pain. I noticed that even the light was know disturbing me and so I swung my head above my head to turn it off.

"The light just went off" I heard Edward speak aloud to Carlisle. There was silence as I rolled onto my side, gripping my head trying to apply pressure to the pain, trying to stop it.

"Be quiet, don't make a sound" I heard Carlisle command him in a low voice. When he spoke again he seemed as if he was whispering barely audible right through the underneath of the door "Bella, stay calm. The pain wont pass by itself, I need to come in and give you something for it. Can you open the door or do you need me to?"

I tried to focus on his voice. I opened my eyes and tried to see the handle but it was impossible and the thought of trying to climb to reach it caused the pain to rush from my head throughout my body. "You" was all I managed to breath out.

"Ok, cover your ears as tight as possible" he whispered again before turning and speaking to the others. "Rosalie turn the lights off, Emmett close the curtains. Edward don't touch her. Most importantly no one speak"

I heard a loud crack from the direction of the door before it finally edged open hitting off my leg softly, but even that seemed to cause more pain than one would have believed possible and I let out a little sequel before I managed to hide it.

"Bella" I heard Edward whisper, all the pain and hurt I had heard before this moment seemed like nothing compared to the tone he used now.

"This is going to hurt a little Bella" Carlisle spoke now, the same low murmur. "Just try to sleep" I kept my eyes shut knowing that seeing Edwards face would only scare me if it looked anything like the way I was imagining it. I felt the pinch and the burning as the medicine spread through my arm but as I drifted I lost track of it. The silence lasted for what seemed like a long few minutes but barely awake, I was still aware of the voices around me.

"What did you give her?" Edward whispered low and fast.

"Morphine. Let's move her to the bed. She's going to be out for a few hours".

As I started coming around, I couldn't help but smile at the lack of pain I felt. "Bella" a small voice whispered as I opened my eyes to see Edward looking lost back at me. "How do you feel?" he asked with the same tone.

"Better" he reached up to stroke my face but seemed to think better of it. "Are you ok?"

He nodded. Another voice caught my attention, I looked over to see Emmett but it didn't sound like him. All the playfulness and humour was missing.

"You gave us another scare sis." he walked over and took the same position as Edward on the other side of me. "Are you in pain now?" it wasn't like him to ask these questions or have that expression.

"No, at least I don't think so"

"You don't think so?" Edward asked with his left eyebrow raised.

"Well, I didn't realise until it was too late the last time… its kinda like a building sensation" Edward looked down and I knew that meant something more to him then it did to me. "What is it?" I asked but before he could respond he was standing up and walking towards the door.

With his back turned he spoke out over his shoulder "I'll be right back, Emmett…"

"I'm not going to leave her side for a second" he cut Edward off before he could order him to stay. I watched as his flashed out the door and down the stairs.

"What's going on?" hoping Emmett would tell me but instead he just looked at me. "Emmett please" I begged.

"What's going on is that your scaring all of us. Even Rose is scared, not that she will admit it but I know her and how she acts, she's pacing around your garden, ever seen her pace before?" I shook my head to respond a no "it's coz she's never been as worried as she is now. Although you should have seen her the time you ran off to meet your doom with James. We had this whole argument on the fact that she secretly cared for you. Of course she denied it." he let out a laugh. " And then there was the time with Victoria and the new born's. When you passed out she totally freaked out, she even paced near the wolves, but she didn't deny it that day she just told me to shut up". His voice filled with the normal mix of Emmett's emotions and I found myself calming down. I noticed that he was suddenly concentrating on something else and figured he could hear the voiced downstairs that I couldn't.

"What are they saying?" his face whipped up to face mine and he knew he had been caught.

"You don't need to know that".

"Em, if its about me, don't you think I have a right to know?" I tried to reason with him. He stared at me for a moment before answering.

"This wont make you feel any better, besides Edward would kill me" he shrugged off my request.

"Please Em" he shook a no. "You know how you hate when Edward and Alice have their little private conversations" I saw his eyes tighten as he figured out where I was going with this "it's the same thing"

"No, it's not. This is for the best" he looked down into my eyes now. "Trust me, you don't want to know".

"Are you serious! Now I need to know. Now I'm worried" I spoke faster than usual as I started feeling irritated again. The same small pain started irritating the back of my head.

"Bella, don't be so dramatic" Emmett said brushing off my little rant, but I didn't care.

"Em, get Edward and Carlisle" I whispered as the pain started to spread.

"Sis, they wont tell you either" he laughed and it went right through me. The pain jumped and I could feel the entire path now, bubbling and burning.

"Em, seriously… get them now." I almost growled out in a low whisper. He jumped up and looked down at me, measuring me. I began digging my head back into the pillow beneath me, hoping it would swallow the pain.

"Sis?" I closed my eyes, knowing that any second the pain was going to become too server to talk. When I didn't respond, I heard him open the window and call down "Edward, something's happening"

Within mere seconds, Edwards cold hands were on my forehead, he was speaking low and fast to both Carlisle and Emmett. The lights flicked out and I started to feel a slight release from the pain.

"Breathe Bella" Edward whispered as I felt the same pinch in my arm. This time things seemed to fade almost instantly. "I cant lose her" was the last words I heard before everything around me vanished.


	10. Save you

Thank you soooo much for the reviews... they are awesome!!! hope you like it!!! xxx

**Chapter 10 - I dont know if i can save you.**

Opening my eyes, I saw nothing. The room was in complete darkness and as I searched through what little light I could use from the moon shining in my window I was completely aware that there was no one here. I sat up pushing myself up by my elbows, completely distracted by the thought that no one was here. I wasn't use to that. The last time Edward had refused to leave my side even for a moment let alone a few minutes. Where was he? And that was when I heard them arguing downstairs. I sat up as quietly as possible and tried to keep my breathing as regular as I could. If Edward or any of the others heard me, they would know I was awake and I wouldn't get the answers I so desperately needed.

"But she's… she's so young. It cant be" the shaky voice was arguing with the others.

"Edward, we don't know but you have to admit it fit's the symptoms. We wont know till we get the tests done." Carlisle's calm manner always left me in awe. How did he stay so calm when I could only imagine how Edwards expression was betraying him.

"Oh and the fact that she has some kind of lock on her brain means nothing?" I had never heard Edward be sarcastic to Carlisle before.

I moved just a little but the bed creaked beneath me "crap" I whispered expecting someone to come running through the door at any second but there was nothing. They were too involved in the argument downstairs to notice me up here. I crawled out of the bed and slowly opened the door as I continued to listen.

"Edward I'm not saying that isn't something to be considered but you have two medical degree's… don't make me the bad guy for thinking this" Carlisle voice went low at the end.

"If she is, do we change her now?" Esme's soft voice chimed in. Wait, change me now? What were they thinking?

"I say we do it now, lets not wait for the results" Emmetts loud voice rang over the others.

"It's not that simple you fool" Rosalie was impossible to confuse with anyone else especially when she was angry… and she was angry now. "We cant just turn her right now, what are we meant to say when she wakes up. Sorry Bella we didn't actually give you the chance but we were all convinced you were dying so deal with it" they think I'm dying?

"Rosalie is right. We need to wake her up and give her the choice." Carlisle spoke now capturing everyone's attention.

"I cant lose her Carlisle, but I cant do this. Not when there is something forcing her to join me. If she chooses it when there's nothing making her then its her choice but I will not do it now." Edward was getting lost in his own statement, I could imagine exactly what he was thinking. He was taking what he wanted, what he didn't want and what he thought was right and was trying to mix them. But I had a say in this. It was my life.

"If we wait and she dies… then what?" Jasper spoke for the first time in the conversation. I had been under the impression he wasn't even down there, he had been so quiet and Edwards emotions were definitely not in check.

"I don't … know"

"So she dies, your going to run off to Italy again? Or do something else just as stupid?"

"this isn't about me" Edward growled back.

"Yes it is. You have the chance to save her, you know she is ill and all you care about is what you think is right. She's already made her choice. She has agreed to marry you and she had told you that she wants you to change her. What is the problem?" Jasper was growling back at him so fast it took me all I could do to understand what he was saying.

"Its not that simple…"

"Well make it that simple" Emmett threw at him.

"You don't understand" Edwards voice was nothing more than a low huff now.

"Understand what?" Emmett's irritation with Edward flared.

"It's not that simple anymore. I had to practically beg her not to leave me yesterday, she's put off the wedding, she wont even give me a hint as to what she wants anymore" he was speaking fast as he ran off our private details to his family who I could hear were gasping with shock. "I don't think she wants to join me anymore, I don't think she… I'm … I don't" he took a deep breath to steady himself "I don't think she wants to be with me anymore." Another round of gasps flooded the room.

"Why would you think that?" Esme's caring manner seemed shocked by this latest development "Is it about that Jacob boy again?"

"No, Jacob has nothing to do with this, at least I don't think he does. She told me that if Phil doesn't get better … she tried to end things with us yesterday telling me that she didn't want me wasting away inside a house here" he sighed

"But its not like it would be forever, just a few weeks" Carlisle sounded so confused by the whole situation.

"No, not a few weeks. If Phil doesn't get better then she wont be coming back to Forks at all." he spoke so quietly as if he didn't even want to think of that possibility. "if I changed her now it wouldn't be her choice."

"Edward I'm so sorry, why didn't you say something sooner? But does she really think that's all it would take for you to leave her?"

"I don't know. All I know is that she seemed keen to get me gone, even before we left the plane" he had gotten the wrong side of it all, he had thought there was a secret agenda behind my request. I couldn't just stand here and listen to this, no wonder he had been so strange with me.

I stood at the top of the stairs looking down at them all in the living room. Just like the Cullen's house the whole room was a pale cream, there was no furniture yet and so they all stood around in a circle. Alice sat on the bottom step and yet even she didn't realise I was here. My irritation was flaring now. Did he really think so little of me and our relationship? Like I could just move on and never look back? "How can you think that?" I felt the tears behind the barriers fighting to break through and I couldn't control them long enough to get away without him seeing. As they all turned to look up at me and I looked back at him, our eyes met and the waterworks flooded as I saw his broken expression.

"Your awake? How long have you been listening?" he whispered shocked.

"You didn't answer my question!" was all I replied as he started moving slowly towards the stairs. Alice got up and danced across the room away from me and Edward. As he hit the bottom step, I turned on Carlisle. "And you… you think I'm dying? isn't that something you should be discussing with me?"

"Of course I intended to when you woke up, we don't know anything yet Bella its just a theory" he tried to cover his actions and I could see that he wasn't lying. My irritation was flaring so much that I knew I was causing my mind too much stress which was only confirmed when I started feeling the pain in the back of my head again accompanied this time by dizziness.

"Oh crap!" I spoke aloud and they all instantly looked confused.

"Bella we don't know…" Carlisle began before I cut him off with one hand in the air telling him to stop.

"No not that, its my damn head" I felt myself going but luckily Edward had caught on by my comment and managed to catch me before I could fall down the stairs.

The sun was up again when my eyes shifted open to find Edward staring at me with a wide grin. "Hello to you too, what is it?" I knew my mood was off but I couldn't help but be in a bad mood, my whole world was falling down around me and the one person I needed doubted me. I just couldn't find a reason to be happy anymore.

"Its Phil" my heart dropped but then realisation hit. Edward was happy and it was about Phil. Phil was going to be fine. "He woke up about three hours ago, the doctors said he was going to make a full recovery. He should be out in no time" for the first time in what seemed like years I felt a real smile touching my lips. He was going to be fine, Renee was going to be fine, I could be with Edward now.

"Edward, we need to talk. What you think…" he cut me off.

"Shhh my Bella. Just relax. Lets get you better and then we can discuss whatever you want" he smiled down at me but it was a real smile, it didn't touch his eyes, there was no crookedness at all. It was all just one big façade.

"Don't do that to me Edward" he pulled his head back as he took in my tone. "Don't try to play me with your calm façade, what's really going on with me?" his smile instantly disappeared and the pain shot across his face, he looked so intense I was sure my heart was going to explode from the pain it left me in. "that bad huh?" I let out a small laugh trying desperately to release him from his fear.

"We don't know anything yet, Carlisle ran some tests and we're waiting on the results" his voice broke on the last word.

"theory?"

He looked down now as he took my hand and started playing with each finger. It took him a moment before he began speaking. "there's two." he began without looking at my face. This was going to bad and the last thing I wanted was to see him in this pain and so I started chanting to myself that no matter what he said I would make a joke about it and blow it off like it didn't matter.

"The first one is the better of the two. Its something to do with your block. Maybe your body cant handle it anymore, maybe you've tried to keep up with the supernatural for too long as they say" his voice sounded so empty as he spoke, like he had no hope left at all.

"and the other" I gulped as he looked up into my eyes. If he could cry I was positive he would have been. The fear and doubt consumed his eyes, the dark circles didn't look like his normal hunger lines, he looked tired and broken. For the first time he looked truly human, a sick and dying human. I laughed at my own thoughts, as I wondered if that's what I looked like. He met my laugh with a strange caution. I shook my head at him but he continued to watch me. "I'm not going insane. Its just that you look… so serious" I tried to cover my tracks "Calm down Edward whatever it is we will fix it… it will be fine" he didn't look so sure.

"How are you doing that? How are you not worried?" he huffed out, sadness filling each word.

"Of course I'm worried. But I'm with you" he twisted his head to the side and looked out the window. "What is it Edward?" but he said nothing. I sat there for awhile watching him, his expression changing every few seconds as he thought of things. "Edward please… your driving me insane here" I used his own words against him and he snapped his face to mine, capturing my eyes.

"I… I don't know if I can save you" he finally said tripping over his words.

"Edward, what is theory two?" now I was truly scared. What could be so bad that he wouldn't be able to save me from, that the change wouldn't heal.

"Carlisle theorises that… your symptoms" he was trying to speak without feeling, a doctor to a patient, a teacher to a student. "You see, you've got many symptoms that match that of…" but he couldn't say it. I sat up and placed one hand on his cheek as he looked down. The sadness returning to his face.

"Edward just say it" he didn't look up.

"A tumour in your brain" there was silence. "it could be the reason I cant enter your head, why no one can. Something it was hitting or releasing blocking us. Its size can change and it can be brought on by too much stress. Going by your symptoms he thinks it will be…" he stopped. I was frozen, a habit I had picked up from Edward. I was dying, but the change could heal that, I suddenly felt a sharp pang of relief. The change could heal me, what was he so worried about?

"ok… and why wouldn't you be able to save me from that?" I watched as his eyes flew up to meet mine again.

"These things aren't always treatable" he spoke as if pointing out the obvious.

"Most patients don't have a vampire to change them though" I pointed back out to him. He just sat there. Looking at me, measuring my response. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. "what Edward?"

"you still want me to change you?" he looked unconvinced.

"EDWARD!" I shouted at him. "I'm not going anywhere without you. What I said before wasn't meant how you took it. Of course I want to be with you. I just didn't want to destroy you, keeping you locked up here in Florida would have been cruel, I didn't want that for you. I don't think I would have survived being without you but it didn't matter as long as I knew you were somewhere surviving." his face was blank as he took in what I meant.

"you…still…want…me?" confusion colouring every word.

"Of course I do! What did you think? I instantly changed my mind about you. I've always wanted you. I always will want you. Geez Edward." even though my irritation was in full swing mode I couldn't help but laugh at his ridiculous thoughts.

He didn't answer me instead he grabbed me out of the bed, swinging me on his lap and holding me a little too tight. Not that I complained to him. He began kissing my face, my cheek, my nose, my eyes and finally my mouth. Wrapping his hand tightly around the back of my head until his hand was firmly knotted in my hair, he continued to kiss me fiercely. It reminded me of the day we returned to Forks after Italy, the way he kissed me, freely. But even that was nothing compared to that. Relief seemed to instantly take over him, I waited wondering when he was going to pull away but it seemed he had no intention of it this time.

Throwing me back on the bed he moved with me, positioning himself on top as he continued to kiss me. For the first time I seemed to be the one taking things slowly. I was so confused. I didn't have a clue what he wanted from me and so he showed me. He released his hand from my back and the hand from my hair, slowly moving both of them down the sides of my body until he reached my thigh. Gripping them both he pulled my legs around him and I pulled him in even tighter to me. What was he doing? He was breaking all of his own rules but I couldn't have cared less.

I moved my hands as well, gripping on hand on his lower back, using that to pull myself into him and him more into me. I just wanted to feel him as close as possible. I knotted my other hand in his hair as he finally released my mouth and started dropping kisses down my throat and along my collar bone. I shivered, not from the cold but from the pure pleasure of this moment. He stopped. I assumed that meant in his own words 'we have risked your life enough for one day' damn I hated that saying. He didn't move instead he took a deep breath before rising his head to look at me.

"Would you like me to stop?" he spoke softly. My eyes grew wide. Was he really giving me the choice here? I shook a no as quickly as I could and he let out a laugh followed by my favourite crooked smile. "I'll take that as a no" he spoke before he moved back up to lock his lips around mine. As much as I hoped I knew that eventually he would stop, there was no way I was going to get what I wanted not yet at least. The kisses continued as did his hands slowly gliding up and down the outside of my body, each time following the same shivering trail they had left before. I didn't ever want this to end. He started kissing my jaw line and slowly moved up to my right ear, one last kiss before he spoke the words softly. "I love you" Everything about the moment seemed too right, my whole body shivered and goose bumps arose.

"I love you more" I whispered back leaning into his ear.

"I truly doubt that is possible" he laughed again and rolled me on top of him. Placing both hands on my face, he stroked my cheeks with his thumbs as they turned red. "That's one thing I will miss"

"My blush?" I questioned.

"Not so much the blush but one of the few things that help me figure out what your thinking" we both laughed and I leaned down to kiss him again half expecting for his hands to lock my head in place like usual. But he didn't. instead his hands held me closer and tighter to him. What was with him? Did he truly think he had lost me?


	11. Letting Go

_I know its been a long wait... im sorry... i couldnt seem to figure out what i wanted for the characters... but as a treat this one is extra long :) enjoy :) _

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Chapter 11: Letting Go

A low knock interrupted what was possibly the best moment of my human life so far. Edward kissing me and touching me, Edward breaking all of his rules. Well most of them. He had no intention on letting things go too far but I was grateful for the little bit extra I got. Feeling his hands stroking me even through the thin layer of clothing was like nothing I had ever imagined possible. It was truly heart stopping.

A low growl erupted from his chest as he stopped kissing me and placed his forehead just below my collar bone.

"Yes this is bad timing Alice!" he spoke roughly through his teeth, almost hissing the words furiously.

As my breathing regulated, he pushed himself off of the bed and shook his head at me.

"You cant blame me this time" he laughed as he opened the door. The small pixie danced her way towards the bed as I pushed myself into a sitting position, fixing my clothing and making sure I look presentable. I truly doubted I did when I tried to flatten my hair.

"Oh will you stop Bella" she scolded, obviously aware of what I was doing. I just smiled sheepishly at her. "I have something for you" she handed me a pink paper bag with scribbles on the side. I was positive it said something but my mind was wondering too much to actually care. I opened the bag, knowing the sooner I thanked her, the sooner she'd leave and the sooner I could be in Edwards arms again.

But there was nothing in it… "Err thanks Alice. Its what I've always wanted" I laughed out. She smiled back and handed me a small black plastic card. "Huh?"

"We are going shopping and you can get as much as you want, of anything you want. I'm merely there to advise and shop myself." She beamed.

"Alice, I don't think that's a good idea" Edward spoke softly to her, trying not to upset me I guessed.

"She needs to celebrate and she needs to relax. Besides, I had a vision, you have arrangements to make."

"Arrangements?" I inquired.

"Bella, did you really think him" gesturing to Edward "and Carlisle would let you do the transformation without some kind of pain relief. They have a lot of work to do and you have a new wardrobe to buy." I looked at Edward, Alice was right, I could see the calculations going on behind his eyes. "Get up, get dressed. I'll be waiting down stairs for you" and with that she was gone like a flash.

"Did that just really happen?" I laughed, still holding the card in the air.

"She's right. There's a lot to consider." He looked serious again.

"No. No. No." I argued. He looked at me puzzled. "I want fun kissing Edward, not stressful no kissing Edward" his expression shifted as he took in my playful tone. He laughed uncontrollably and walked over towards me.

With what seemed like an impossible swipe, he had me up in his arms.

He kissed my lips softly "Better?" he asked and I simply shrugged. It had nothing on the kisses we had shared moments ago. He kissed me even deeper now. "How about that one?"

"Getting there?" I smiled up at him.

"You're the most dangerous girl in the world. Do you realize that?" he shook his head, his crooked grin lighting his face. I couldn't help but laugh at the whole situation.

The shopping trip was okay. Who was I joking? I hated it. Why did this place have to have late night shopping. Why was it needed? If they didn't have it she couldn't have put me through the whole thing. Every moment I felt like a Barbie. Alice's idea of advise was very different from everyone else's. Alice's meant picking, forcing on and arguing with you if you didn't like it and then making you buy it anyway. We returned with so many bags I was certain I could open a store with it all. Alice of course had done some major shopping and although we had argued, she had done her best to make sure I wasn't stressed. She asked me a hundred questions and answered anyone's I had about this new life. About what it meant was in store for me.

Walking into the house that night, I could hear the buzzing of conversations. Everything I had expected. They were deciding when and where? Even how. Apparently I deserved more than the quick bite… I was terrified. Trying to be convincing I walked in and put my arms around Edward as he kissed my head softy and inquired into how was I. I lied and pretended I was fine, secretly thanking the Gods that Jasper was out hunting. If Edward really knew.

The plans were set. Everything was together and ready. All I needed now was to be brave enough to let it happen. I had gone to see my mum once more and I had said my goodbyes, although I seriously doubted she knew what I meant. Calling Charlie had been harder. At least Renee wasn't alone, Charlie would be back to having no one now. That was until Ms Clearwater picked up the phone at 7am. Far too early to just be visiting. The whole of the Cullen's got a kick out of that little detail.

"Are you ready?" Edwards soft voice caressed the back of my neck as I stood on the balcony and watched the sun set for the last time with human eyes. "You can still change your mind" he reminded me with a small kiss on my check as his arms circled my body.

I wanted to. I wanted to scream and run for the first time since I had met him and yet… I knew it was fear. I knew serve pain was about to be unleashed on me and I knew for his sake - if I wanted to wake up to a sane Edward - that I needed to keep it as peaceful as possible.

"You wish" I joked.

"I do" he sighed. "And I don't. Is that a selfish thing to admit?" he asked quietly, almost ashamed.

"No, honest" I turned and smiled when he kissed my nose. "Edward before… there's something I want?" I felt a pang of guilt fill me asking him this, knowing he wouldn't turn me down now but also knowing he wouldn't want to do it.

"Anything?" he asked kissing my nose again. Using one finger he lifted my head so his eyes were able to see into mine.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't ask him for this. This was cruel of me. "Kiss me" I simply responded and hoped he didn't notice the pause. But he did, he looked at me strangely again for a few minutes.

"If only I could really read what you wanted. I'd give you the world." He said as he kissed me roughly and passionately.

A loud wolf whistle interrupted us and I turned to see Emmett laughing as Rosalie hit him over the head. I couldn't hear what she said to him but I imagined it wasn't pleasant. The whole family was walking towards the forest and disappearing into the darkness.

"Where are they…" but I didn't have a chance to finish before Edward swiped me back up into his arms and carried me towards the bedroom.

"They wanted to give us some alone time, seeing as this is our last night together as human and vampire." Alone? Together? Ideas flew through my head, of course non that he would actually agree too and so I just smiled and carried on like he'd said nothing. "What would you like to do?" he pushed for some kind of answer. I couldn't help but laugh and with the laugh I felt the blush flood my face.

"Oh trust me you don't want to know" I laughed again.

He raised both his eyebrows at me, before kissing my lips ever so softly and placing me gently on the bed. I was half expecting him to climb over to the other side but instead he kept kissing me.

"Does it have something to do with this?" he said shakily as he kissed me again, slowly moving from my lips to my throat.

"Er… yeah" I barely got out. His lips moved to my ear now where he whispered between kisses.

"Tonight its up to you to tell me when to stop" that did it. My heart flew into overdrive and I nearly lost my senses then.

"You know I… I wont… be … oh my… huh.. Tell you… to stop" I barely got out not caring that it didn't make sense. I felt his breath on my ear lobe as he laughed.

A simple shrug was all I got in return. A few kisses later he vanished and I instantly sprung up.

"Now that's teasing" I said as I watched him at the doorway. He had a slightly smug smile on as he laughed and winked.

"Its not teasing if you plan to go through with it"

"Huh? If you plan to go through with it why are you over there?" I couldn't help my complaining tone.

He laughed once more. Very slowly and deliberately he turned up the heating before winking one last time and then flipping the light switch off. My heart was hammering and I knew he could hear it. What was with him tonight? Sitting in complete darkness I was trying to figure out where he was when I suddenly felt chills running up and down my neck. He was sitting behind me blowing softly. His hands slowly brushed down my arms as his lips found my ear.

"Remember you can say stop at anytime" he whispered before placing his hands under the hem of my t-shirt and lifting it up over my head.

"Don't think I will" I mumbled out as I felt his cold stone chest against my back. He had lost his mind. That was the only reason he would do this especially since I hadn't pushed it in months.

He began slowly kissing across my shoulder blade and gently down my back as his hand slipped around my waist and worked on the buttons of my jeans. This was really going to happen… my heart started flying again, but even faster.

"Hmmm… listen to your heart fly" he laughed a very soft breath as he continued to kiss down my back.

"Using vamp…ire…po-wers… oh my… wow… Edward… that's… err… cheating… no fair---r!" his touch was driving me insane.

I felt his hand slowly slip under me to lift me, before I could figure out what happened I was lying flat on my back and he was slowly kissing up my right bare leg.

"I don't want to forget a single inch of your skin Bella, of how you feel, how you tremble." He said moving higher.

This felt unbelievable. My head was thrown back into the pillow my body arched as he slowly worked his way up first making the lines with his fingers and then tracing the shivering lines with his lips and tongue.

"OHHHHHHH… MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY……….OHHHHHHHHHHH EDWARRRRRRRRRD" I couldn't help but moan out as he reached the one area I was starting to think he would never agree to go near. My hands that had been gripping the bedcovers seemed to move without my control and tangle into his hair.

I felt like I was losing my mind but I was happy to see it go, wished it gone even. If after three days of crazy pain I got this for eternity, I would gladly take the trade.

His cold lips started making a trail up my stomach then, just when I thought I couldn't possibly take anymore. "Do you want me to stop?" he whispered as his hands lightly lifted me from the bed so he could undo the clip of my bra.

"No chance."

He laughed as I hit the bed again and he continued his trail up my body. Somewhere during this I had lost all sense of time, of everything. Before I knew it he was softly kissing my jaw line working back to my mouth.

"Are you ready?" he whispered seductively as he gently sucked on my lower lip.

That hit me and woke me from my pleasure daze. "What about you?" I let leak before I had thought of a better way of phrasing it. "I mean I want to explore" I said biting my lower lip and he leant back and stared at me.

"That might be pushing it" he said softly as I rubbed my bare leg up the back of his. Feeling his soft hard skin which seemed to tighten under my touch.

"Well I want to try" I place both my hands on his chest, knowing I was catching him off guard and pushed him on to his back. Catching Edward off guard didn't happen for anyone else. He always heard it coming in there thoughts. However with me, I just needed to wait for that right expression the one that tells me he's lost in thought to make my move. And so I did. As he rolled and rolled with him and to my surprise he didn't try to stop me. It really did seem that he meant what he had said earlier. This was my night and up to me.

I instantly felt my face flush as I realized I really had no idea what to do. I tried to remember what Edward had done and went with that.

Slowly kissing down his flat hard abs, I suddenly realized something important. This was Edward. My Edward. This was something I had been dreaming about for years now. This wasn't some stranger or someone I hadn't spent time with. This was Edward and this was all just as new to him as it was me. Something changed in me with that and I suddenly found my confidence.

Slowly kissing him I allowed my lips, tongue and hands to explore. I had an idea of what I would find where and so I decided to tease him a little first. Kissing the top of his thigh and letting my nails scratch the tough skin covered in a sprinkle of hair I felt him actually relax beneath me. I felt the covers shift as I imagined he was digging his hands in as I had done, as if it could support him.

Carefully and slowly, I let my tongue work its way up and down followed closely with my hands and eventually my mouth. His moans came fast and even until they suddenly sped right up and got louder.

"Bell… Bella…My Bella" was all he kept repeating in-between his sharp intakes of air. "Right… there… Oooooh Bella… I'm…"

Then before I knew it I was lying flat on my back, he was positioned on top of me, his lips creating a lock with mine as he kissed me fiercely and held me tighter than he had ever allowed himself before. I knew in that instant it was too tight but it didn't hurt, if anything I wanted him to hold me tighter.

"Are you sure?" he asked one final time resting his forehead against mine. I nodded a yes as quickly as I could. His hands shot down and encircled my thighs pulling them apart and around him.

I felt him then, right at the entrance. He kissed me a final time before pushing in slowly.

The rest of the night was a blur of pleasure and I found myself craving the change even more with everyone of his moans.


	12. Final Heartbeats

**Chapter 12: Final heartbeats**

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I woke to the sunlight hitting my face, brightening the room and lighting the outside of my closed eyelids. I turned and buried my face into the cold arms that encircled me tightly. I felt his lips kissing my forehead as he hummed my lullaby. There was something not right about it though. The happiest part of it still seemed sad… like he was upset. I ordered my eyes to open so I could look at his face and see if his features held the same emotion.

"Good morning" he said softly trying to sound reassuring. I was too use to his calm façade from the past couple of months and so I instantly new for some reason this morning wasn't a good one.

"Are you okay?" I asked quietly. I felt my self esteem taking major hits as the voice inside my head started running through possibility as to what could be wrong. Was it me? Was I not good? Does he still want me now?

"Very much so. Are you?" he answered calmly but there was definitely something there. I nodded unsure of what else to say. I felt his grip on me tighten as I began to sit up, almost holding me down and against him.

"What's wrong Edward?" I asked seriously, I was on the verge of crying. I could feel the tears welling up behind my eyes and knew that at any moment they were going to break the barrier.

"Nothing"

"Then let me…" I began trying to wiggle my way out of his arms when a white feather drifted down, tickling off my nose and landing on his chest. I couldn't help but stare at the feather and wonder. When I looked up - confusion clearly coloring my features - he was looking straight into my eyes. He groaned knowing that whatever he was hiding was no longer a secret. I was still totally lost as to why a feather would float down and where it would come from. His eyes flickered to my hair as if to point something out.

Cautiously, I ran my hands through my hair and about six feathers floated down past my face. Edward completely let go of me now and fell onto his back, as I watched him I sat up and with both hands ruffled my hair. It was like being stuck in heavy snow.

"Edward, why are there feathers in my hair?" He looked so ashamed but I was just too curious.

"Because I bit the pillow" he almost growled out.

"You what?" I said turning to look at the bed for the first time which was covered in feathers from the shredded pillows. I couldn't help but laugh. That's when the headboard caught my attention. "And the…"

He interrupted "Yes I bit that as well." I couldn't help myself. I knew he was ashamed but it was possibly the funniest thing that I had ever seen.

Pushing himself up on his fore arms he looked at me as if I was crazy before joining in with the laughter, but he seemed guarded. I let myself fall on his chest and just like this morning he encircled me with his stone arms.

"What else are you hiding mister?" I asked suspiciously.

"Look at your arms" He said really quietly as I watched his face completely turn into one of pain.

As I took in the sight of my arms which were starting to come up in purple patches, I was aware that by midday I would look like someone threw ink over me.

"Ooh" was all I managed. I felt him stiffen as he began speaking.

"Bella I'm sorry I should have been more…" but I cut him off by putting a hand over his mouth.

"It didn't hurt getting them" I winked trying to lighten the mood, it didn't work. So instead I thought I would try the blatant approach. "In the few hours it will take them to really show, it wont matter. It doesn't matter." I could see him beginning to argue but I didn't want anything to ruin this perfect and final human morning. "Don't. Please" I asked as I leaned in and kissed him.

"Your not mad? At all?" He finally said when I allowed his mouth free.

"Nope" I said shaking my head. "Last night was perfect. Even this morning was. I don't want to ruin it, especially with something that was an accident and wont matter soon enough" Direct was sometimes the best way with Edward.

He just nodded "I'm sorry anyway" he whispered.

"I know. Now shut up and kiss me." I smiled at him and pulled him towards me. To my surprise he followed.

I wasn't use to him following my orders and I certainly wasn't use to no-rules. After a few more minutes of kissing, he raised his head and sighed.

"They're nearly back."

"Clothes… now" I almost fell out of the bed while Edward just sat there laughing. I gave him an evil look as I bent down to pick them up but he was already there handing them to me. "Show off"

He just laughed more and got dressed himself. We both stood at the end of the bed and looked over it. It was fair to say it was destroyed. His laughing seemed to completely stop as he took in the demolition site. Mine however seemed to only grow.

"You think this is funny?" he asked, raised eyebrows.

"Actually very funny." I said laughing and with that he swept me into his arms and threw the cover over the evidence with one hand before heading towards the bathroom door. "Where are we going?"

I didn't get a real response. Just a wink. With the turn of the lock and a twist of the shower tap, my mind was flying with thoughts of what if's. I couldn't possibly be THAT lucky… could I?

Turns out I really was the luckiest girl in the world.

It was only after, when I stumbled out of the bathroom laughing in hysterics, Edward chasing me - getting really to pounce - that I remembered the others downstairs. The laughing stopped almost immediately and my eyes grew wide. Edward straightened up and flashed to me.

"Are you okay?" I shook a no. "What's wrong?" he started to panic looking me up and down "Is it your head?" I shook another no. I couldn't speak so instead I pointed downstairs. "The floor?" he asked really confused and then we heard Emmett's loud booming laugh. "Ooh… them" I nodded a yes and Edward burst out laughing again. "Don't worry, Alice saw my plan as I made it and diverted them. They only just got back."

Alice! Alice knew? Alice saw! Oh my God! Oh crap!

"Don't worry Bella. She wont saying anything…" wrapping his arms around me, I felt the towel drop to the floor. "Shall we get dressed?" he raised his eyebrow at me, pulling a cheeky grin.

"I really don't want to" I said as I pushed away and made my way over to my bag to the draws to grab some clean clothes. Bless Esme not only had she decorated some of this place with furniture but she had taken the time fold the things I bought with Alice into three piles. Things I would wear. Things I might wear. Things I wouldn't dream of wearing. I couldn't help but laugh.

Walking down the stairs the whole family was watching me. Did they all know? I turned, mortified to Edward.

"It's not what you think love. They are all thinking about the change."

"Oh" that I could handle. Happiness flooded me as I looked at Alice and she winked, I realized that she hadn't said a word and what ever she had said had worked.

"Are you ready Bella?" Carlisle said.

"Definitely" I said thinking of the activities last night and this morning. An eternity of that. Hell yeah!

"We bought you all your favorite foods, it was Alice's idea. You wont want them after so she insisted this morning, that you have the choice of anything you want." Esme smiled up at me and I couldn't help but mouth 'thank you' to Alice.

I ate till I felt sick, which wasn't very much given that nerves were starting to kick back in, but every time I started to panic Jasper must have felt it because all it took was a kiss from Edward to calm me back down.

Alice stood suddenly and looked from me to Edward and back again. "It's time" she spoke aloud.

Edward looked down at me and I could see the pain riddle his face. "Are you sure Bella? You can say no." I smiled up at Edward and took a deep breath.

"Lets do it" I gulped and I noticed them all suddenly look more worried. "I want this." I took Edwards hand. "I'm allowed to be a little scared right?" There really was no point of trying to hide it. Jasper would sense it, Edward would read it from him and freak out. It was better to be honest.

"Depends what your scared about?" he spoke quietly, as if trying to keep it strictly between us.

"The pain" I answered immediately.

Edward nodded and a small smile crept onto his face. "Then yes."

"Where?" I asked turning to look at Carlisle. I could still feel Edwards eyes boring into my head and I could sense his extra stillness. He was worried.

"I set up a… surprise… room Bella. So that you will be surrounded by your favorite things and when you wake up you will have everything" Esme was too kind, only she would have thought about something as caring as that.

"Thank you so much" I said barely auditable. The fear was beginning to take control. If I was going to do this then it needed to happen soon. I took Edward by the hand and led him towards the stairs.

"Good luck Bella" Rosalie spoke loudly. "It will hurt but you will get through it. Try to remember that, sis." she winked and followed it with her breathtaking smile. It was the first time since that night when she had explained her past that she used a softer tone with me, that she was sincere. I nodded and smiled back.

"She tough. She can handle it, Isn't that right little sis? Besides she still wont beat me even with her newborn powers" Emmett shouted behind us and I couldn't help but laugh. I felt Edward relax slightly as he raised my hand and kissed it.

"I wont leave your side, I promise." Edward whispered as we walked into the room.

Jasper entered behind us, taking my other hand. "I can't stay for the first part Bella, but I will try afterwards to come in and see if I can lessen the pain. See you soon" he squeezed gently before turning and walking back out.

"Just us then?" I let out a shaky laugh. Both Carlisle and Edward looked at me and then to each other.

"Are you sure?" Edward asked again.

"Yes, Edward. Yes." I couldn't help but think in my head that it beat the alternative. Three days of pain or a few weeks and then death. Three days I could handle, three days then I got to keep Edward forever. It was an even trade.

"I'm sorry Bella I know you hate needles but I think if we give you enough morphine it might help with the pain." Carlisle spoke as he lifted a large syringe from the desk.

"Wait" Edward interrupted as Carlisle began to put it in. Grabbing me and holding me tightly, I could feel all his panic surfacing. "I love you" he whispered.

"I love you more." I responded as he gave me one more kiss.

"Stay with me" he said as he rested his forehead against mine. If he could cry I was certain he would have been. He gave me the crooked smile I loved as I held his face tightly between my palms.

"That's the plan" I smiled, took a deep breath and dropped my arm down for Carlisle. "I'm ready" I felt Carlisle beginning to push the needle in and I could already feel unconsciousness taking over. "See you soon" I said as I lifted my head slightly and gave Edward one final kiss before I was gone.


	13. Forever

_Thanks for the reviews! glad your all still interested in this one. :) hope your liking the updates. _****

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Chapter 13: Forever

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The darkness was everywhere, I felt the strangest almost-tickling sensation all over my body but the final one was a whole different feeling. It felt like I had been stabbed through the heart with fire. I felt the burning spreading, engulfing everything it came into contact with. And then nothing but the kind of pain one only dreams about, even that didn't really cover this… time passed in drags and lurches, I knew I couldn't scream, that I shouldn't but as time passed it only worsened. Nothing I had ever felt could even compare slightly to this, when I had heard the horror stories I had never imagined. It wasn't possible to imagine this. No human could survive this, no heart could handle this and yet as the fire turned me to ashes somehow my heart continued to beat.

It was the kind of pain one immediately forgot about as it passed, the type your mind purposely sought to remove and hide but hiding this pain didn't help because it only seemed to get worse.

I searched the darkness, begged for some kind of meaning to this, any kind of meaning to this. But there was nothing.

I tried to remember why? Why would I have done this to myself? Nothing would be worth this pain? I knew I was forgetting something, knew there was a reason behind it all… a reason I did this but my mind didn't want to work. It didn't have the extra ability to look for the answer.

As the fire grew so did the screams. I begged for death to come, to take me. I begged for anything to stop this but no one answered my screams, death did not come to help.

Somewhere throughout the mist, somewhere in the darkness I started to think again, the pain hadn't lessened but somehow I was able to think around it. Thoughts filled my mind as I tried to remember the reasons, the things I wanted. Edward. I could see his face but I could not open my eyes. I remembered why I shouldn't scream, why I shouldn't beg but mostly I realized that it didn't matter because I was a prisoner inside my own mind. Attempt after attempt to move failed, I could not control my outer shell and so I found myself wishing that my screams were the same. I focused on Carlisle. If he could do it, I stood some chance to manage it. I thought of Edward and the pain each small moan would cause him. Of course thinking of Edward and moaning only brought other memories to mind and with that, my thoughts became clearer. Edward. I did this for him. To stay with him. Forever.

The heavy weights that held me down lifted almost instantaneously and I realized that I know needed to concentrate on keeping still and quiet. If Edward thought the morphine had worked, if he really believe it, he wouldn't be in pain, he wouldn't worry. Slowly the voices around me became clearer. I hadn't realized anyone else was near me. I couldn't hear them before.

"Do you smell that?' Carlisle's soothing tone filled my ears and I prayed that they kept talking.

"The morphine is completely gone." Edward spoke low, full of doubt almost waiting on the pain to engulf him. Oh no! I needed him to think that I was fine.

My game plan was simple. Get through this without screaming or begging for death, keeping still and then when I would awake I would pretend that I felt nothing.

"She's not moving, maybe the morphine has done what we hoped? Maybe she was numbed throughout the worst of it?" Carlisle was theorizing, I could hear it just by the way he phased his sentences.

"Maybe we did something wrong." Edwards low tone filled me with so much despair that I wanted to throw my self at him, to hold him, to sooth him. But for now I was doing all I could to make this easier for him.

"How is she?" A perky voice filled the room.

"How much longer? Can you see anything?" Edward pleaded with her. Moments of silence passed and then I heard Edwards rush of air, a sign of relief. Tell me. Tell me. Tell ME. I shouted in my head. We're they purposely trying to drive me insane. Why would they not tell me?!!?!?!

"She's going to be perfect" Alice's voice was almost one of awe.

"She already was perfect" Edward growled back.

"Yes, but look at her Edward. Not even Rosalie could beat her" What? Rosalie? Huh? How did I look?

I felt soft lips kiss my forehead then and for the first time I realized that Edward wouldn't feel the same to me either. He had always been rock solid and cold but now, so was I. He was going to be my temperature and I was going to be just as solid. My mind flickered through the possibilities of how different he would feel to me. Every touch. Every kiss … it was all going to be different.

My heart took off, faster than before and I felt the fire beginning to get hotter, if that was possible. As if it removed it self from everywhere else and just wanted to attack my heart. I felt my body arch off the bed, I tried to hold myself down but I had to use all my concentration on trying not to scream. I wouldn't scream now. Not after all of what I had been through. I wouldn't make this worse for him. I chanted over and over in my head, while searching for something to hold on to. I was on the ledge and slipping fast when it all just stopped. Extinguished. I hit the bed and heard the final beat of my rapidly slowly heart. Thump.

No one breathed. No one moved. Not a single heartbeat. Everything was in perfect silence.

"Bella?" Edwards voice rang sharp and clear. His musical tone wove through my mind more defined than ever before.

My eyes fluttered open and above me I could see everything. Every single dust particle that was playing in the soft air above me. Something touched my hand. Before I had time to tell myself that it was only Edward, my body had moved and arched, thrown towards the corner. My teeth bared as I took in the view in front of me. Edward was the closest. Jasper and Emmett flagging his sides. Behind them Carlisle stood in front of Esme, Rosalie and Alice. My mind immediately concluded that it was a defensive stand. The three best fighters up front. But who were they scared of?

Reality hit… Hard. Me? They were scared of me. Again, as if only with a slight thought my body straightened up.

"Bella? Its okay love. Its confusing. We know. But your safe. We wont hurt you." Edwards voice was clear and confident. He was trying to sooth me.

I took a deep breath. One by one their scents attacked my tongue. How strange. They all smelled the same and yet, completely different at the same time. I stared at Edward. His eyes focused now on mine as he took a step closer. Jasper grabbed his shoulder, pulling him back to his original defensive position.

"She's too unstable" Was I? I didn't feel unstable. I looked at them all. How could they possibly be scared of me. They were my family. Edward took a look at Jasper, reading his thoughts and knowing how I was feeling. So why did he look so confused.

"You don't know she's too unstable." Edward turned to me again and winked. How did he do that? How was it possible that he could still dazzle me with a single action. As he took a step towards me again, Jasper followed. "She's got this Jazz." He spoke softly, never taking his eyes from mine.

"You don't know that Edward." Jasper's fear confused me. He of all should know. He should sense it.

"What's going on?" Carlisle took the words right out of my mouth.

"Jasper cant sense her. Bella's completely blocked off it would seem… Hmmm" he spoke as he continued to walk towards me.

Edward was like nothing I could have imagined. Everything I thought I had seen in him before didn't compare to his perfection. He couldn't have been an angel because an angel couldn't compare to this. This was more. He was something more.

Close now. So close I could reach out and touch, I watched as he examined me, waiting for a response. But I was too stuck to move. Dazzled.

"Bella, love? Please say something?" he whispered softly as he raised one hand to stroke my face.

"I love you" Escaped my mouth. My voice was different, it sounded more like singing then me speaking. I watched the grin spread across his face as he took in what I had said.

"As I love you." Taking my face between both palms he rested his forehead against mine. "Are you okay?" he whispered barely audible.

"Better" I said as I threw my arms around him and kissed him with as much force as I could. As a human, this wouldn't have even made him move an inch. As a vampire however, we hit the floor was a loud thud. Fear filled me as I realized that being a new born meant I was stronger. What if I had hurt him? But Edward just laughed.

As sprang off of him and stood back against the wall. Realizing my strength it finally hit me why they were in a defensive position. I didn't have time to really think about it though because almost instantly Edward was standing with me, his arms encircling me.

"It's okay Bella. I'm okay. Don't worry." He spoke gently. I pulled back to look up into his eyes and I couldn't see any lies in his statement.

"I'm sorry" I whispered back to him.

"Shh nothing to apologize for love." Slowly as if pre-cautioning me with his eyes, he kissed my lips softly.

"She must be hungry" Jasper's voice was a statement and I noticed Edwards irritation at our interruption.

"He's right" turning to face the others, he held me tightly with one arm. "Shall we?"

I couldn't help but look at the others, all the questions I could feel emanating from Carlisle, all Esme's hopes for Edward and yet Alice's features some how scared me.

"Alice?" I asked softly. "Are you alright?"

"Don't attack me okay?" she said as she danced around the others and out of Jaspers grab. I nodded as she pounced on me. Hugging me so tightly, if I had been human she would have surely squashed me.

"She's very controlled" I heard Carlisle comment to the others.

"A little too controlled" Jasper watched me carefully as I watched him. Something that he saw confused him or was it upset him. I wasn't sure.

"Okay Alice, get off her so we can hunt" Edward laughed as he took in my worried expression. "I was under the impression you always wanted to come hunting with me" he raised his perfect eyebrow.

"I do… but we're all going right… just incase?" From everything I had heard, I was worried. Worried about my own temperament, my strength. I loved Edward and I knew I could never hurt him but all it would take was a spilt second for me to hurt someone else.

"Would you like us all to come dear?" Esme asked as she finally moved from behind Carlisle.

I nodded a yes and watched as one by one they understood why.

"Lets go then" he kissed my head before heading for the window.


	14. Human

**Sorry it took me so long... ive had a busy couple of days... hope you enjoy this and if you do please review it ... reviews make me write faster! haha! :)**

**Oh yeah....SM owns all rights blah blah blah.... you know the drill!**

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**Chapter 14: Human**

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The window. Why the window? I watched as one by one they jumped, eventually just Edward was left standing next to me.

"Just take a step love, its almost like walking. Its natural."

"Natural" I repeated. "Right." I took a deep breath from habit and holding his hand tightly took a step forward. I was certain I was going to fall and Edward - as usual - would have to save me but somehow I was standing with the others. All of their expressions proud.

"That was graceful" Emmett laughed "I have expected you to land on your face." I heard Edward hiss at him but I couldn't help but agree. I turned looking back up. Did I really just come from there?

"Come on love" Edward winked at me and then his expression twisted with confusion.

"What's wrong?" I said as I watched him, unaware that the others had already started moving - although slower than normal - towards the forest.

"I used your heartbeat and blush to read how you were feeling and now… now I need to find another way" he huffed before walking towards the others.

He wasn't sulking but I could tell he was frustrated. He waiting a few steps in front when he realized I hadn't moved.

"Come on Bella, its natural" I heard Alice yell from the distance.

"Bella, everything okay?" Jasper chimed in. Edward just stood there watching me, from what I imagined was his attempt to figure out how to read me.

Rosalie walked slowly towards me, her hands out almost as if she was a felon walking towards a police officer who was holding a gun. Edward watched me as I took in her movements, but I was preoccupied. I was desperately trying to remember the feeling of that band, the one that I had managed to break before. The one that allowed Edward to hear me. I wanted to share with him and I had considered many times how once I was changed I might be able to.

"Bella" Rosalie's golden voice caught my attention. "Don't let them pressure you, take it slowly. Its all instinct, you'll know what to do as soon as you catch the scent… don't worry" her voice was so soft and caring. I had never heard this tone before. I thought I was going to drop dead then and there - not that it would be possible but if it was, then I would have.

I smiled at her, nodding a thank you. I looked back at Edward and I knew my face was full of shock but I wanted to tell him that. He waited patiently just watching.

I closed my eyes, thinking back. Concentrating on everything I could remember, every detail. The pain, the headache, the smells that invaded my mind. Everything. I took a deep breath, pulling it all towards me. I just wanted to remember. I opened my eyes again, I noted Edward hadn't moved, Rosalie had returned to Emmett's side over by the forest edge, Alice and Jasper were even further away - whispering about me no doubt - there was something about me that seemed to confuse him. And then there was Esme and Carlisle, they were the furthest, I assumed giving me as much breathing room as possible.

"Bella, love?" Edward spoke gently as I continued to stare at him. I held up my index finger to motion one moment. I closed my eyes again, I wanted to do this for him.

I flickered through the memory, then over thought about it. Searching every inch of my mind for it, finally taking the deep breath that I knew would help me relax.

It hit me like a bulldozer.

Invaded my senses.

Ruined my train of thought.

Blood.

A pulse.

A human pulse.

My head snapped and before I knew it my body was moving. There was no one know in front of me and although my senses picked up others following they were far enough behind that at this rate they didn't stand a chance of catching me. One by one the trees flew by as blurs, each step felt more like a hurdle as I raced, knowing in my subconscious that they would stop me if they had a chance. The smell was too much. I needed it and I needed it now.

I felt Edward gaining on me and I heard them shouting between each other. Edward being the fastest and closest at the time of my depart, held the lead with Rosalie and Carlisle tight behind him. I could only imagine that I had caught them all off guard as I was certain that Edward was faster than I would ever be.

"Edward, stop her" Esme Yelled from the back.

Jasper's tone stung me "Its human, if she…"

"I KNOW" Edward growled back.

"Just let her at it. Its her first" Emmett yelled lazily.

Something from the conversation hit me then. 'Its human' Jasper had yelled. Human. My mind began working through this as I started to get so close to the smell I knew it was only a few more steps before I would taste it. Edward stood no chance of catching me in time. But human. There was something wrong with this but I couldn't seem to fathom what.

Human. I repeated, like the word held some hidden meaning. Human.

Why was Edward chasing me?

Human.

Why were they all chasing me?

Human.

Why was I trying to get there?

Human.

Did I know this was wrong? Is it wrong?

Human.

But it smells so good, so tas…

Human.

Did I know this…

Human.

Angela, Jessica, Mike, Eric, Ben, Tyler, Lauren.

Human.

Charlie.

HUMAN.

It was like something snapped and I suddenly remembered why I couldn't do this. HUMAN. I had been shouting it at myself and now it made sense. HUMAN. I couldn't hunt them. I couldn't…

I skidded slightly to a stop - smaller than human eyes would have noticed - and immediately froze.

Don't breathe, don't breathe, don't breathe. I chanted over and over.

Edward flew past me before doing his own skid and flittering to my side. His hand securely grabbed my arms as he planted me with all his strength to the ground. I had to get out of here. I needed to be away from the temptation.

"Bella?" He asked, his voice thick with tension. I didn't have much breath and there was nothing in this world that would make me take a deep breath right now. I concentrated now, searching harder than before. Pulling at every cord my brain had. Not even a second had passed but it felt like minutes, hours even.

Then I found it.

'Please. I need to get out of here now!' I shouted in my head. Edwards eyes grew wider and with the shock of hearing me he seemed to have lost all of his strength. I took that to my advantage. Turning and running.

I flew passed the others as they ran the opposite direction. I heard them one by one screeching to a stop and coming back after me.

"What the…" Jasper shouted as he realized I was running from the situation.

"FUCK" Emmett finished jaspers thought as he bounced off of a nearby tree to send him back my way.

Edward was running, not talking, not paying attention to me… just running. I knew he was trying to hear me, trying to figure me out. As I ran, I concentrated again, but it wasn't needed. As soon as I thought about it I found the cord. The single snap I needed to talk to him again.

'I m sorry'

I was back in front of the house now, I dropped to my knees and held my head in my hands. I had messed up already.

Edward fell to his knees in front of me, his hands reached towards mine as I heard the others surround us.

'I m so sorry Edward. I messed up.'

"No you didn't" he said aloud. "Not even close." he urged my hands from my face as I lifted my head to stare into his eyes.

"Stop with the mind conversations" Emmett growled as he looked around at the others. "Its you isn't it!" he sneered at Jasper.

"Not me" Jasper shook his head. I saw Emmett's glare to whoever was behind me, I heard them move but they were too far from my peripheral vision to see their answer.

"Its not me either" Alice threw back at Emmett.

I saw Rosalie shake her head and noticed how all eyes were on Esme then.

"You didn't do anything wrong. How did you do that Bella?"

'Do what?'

"You stopped yourself mid hunt, that's… and this… how are you doing this? How can I…"

'This is easy now…' I raised my eyebrows.

"He's talking to Bella" Carlisle commented in the background.

"Nah" Emmett's sarcastic tone caused Rosalie to hit him.

"And she's speaking back fool" Rosalie's eyebrows were raised at him as if it was the obvious thing.

Ignoring them, Edward moved closer to me placing his forehead against mine. "This is all amazing."

"Bella, how did you stop the hunt?" Jasper asked then. I turned to look at him but didn't have any breath left to speak. This is where I had first smelled the blood. There was no way I was going to smell it again.

'Edward I have no breath' Edward nodded and turned to the others.

"She has no breath and doesn't want to breathe incase…" he trailed off.

"Controlled" Carlisle sighed but it seemed to be in awe.

"How can you hear her?" Esme asked, placing her hand on Edward shoulder. Edward shook his head.

"Can you turn it on and off?" he questioned me. Instead of answering I just nodded a yes.

I could hear multiply whispers and conversations - a lot of gasps - but I could only concentrate on him.

'I want to go inside' I pleaded with him.

"Aren't you hungry love?" after everything that had just happened, hunger seemed to be the furthest from what I was at this moment.

'Please' I begged.

"Of course" he stood pulling me to my feet before wrapping his arm tightly around my shoulder as we walked towards the house.

"She needs to feed" Jasper called from behind us.

"She doesn't want to" Edward said simply before looking at me again and asking with his eyes.

'I m really not hungry anymore' I raised one eyebrow at him. It was strange but this felt no different to talking aloud.

"But she has to feed, she must be burning."

"No" was all he said but in it held the warning to back off, even I received it loud and clear as he bent his head slightly to kiss my nose.


	15. Control

**Chapter 15 : Control**

_this is one of those shorter chapters that needed to happen to get the story rolling again..._

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"What would you like to do then love?" Edward spoke softly as we walked at a human speed up to our bedroom.

"Edward can you come down for a moment please" Carlisle called. Edward stopped and huffed before turning towards the stairs.

"Wait for me upstairs" he winked at me as he ran with vampire speed. "What is it?" I heard him say, his tone was full of anger and I knew he was only raining it in for my benefit.

"Edward she needs to feed" Jaspers voice echoed through the silent house.

"She will feed when she wants to feed" he stated matter of fact. Was I doing this? Why was I causing an argument, I didn't want to but I also didn't want to be told what to do.

"Edward be reasonable" Jaspers tone wasn't one of anger anymore, it was pleading. "Don't you remember that burn. She must be in pain."

There was nothing but silence from the living room, I suddenly heard quiet footsteps racing towards the room and within no time at all, Edward was standing in front of me.

"He made a good point love, I don't want you to be hurting." I sat at the end of the bed looking towards the glass window. I wasn't in pain, I could feel it but I wasn't that desperate.

"I'm not hurting"

"Aren't you hungry… at all?" he walked towards me and sank at my feet, stroking my leg.

"Not really. I know the burn is there but… the appeal seems to have gone… maybe in time…" I tried to sooth him.

"Bella, love …" he tried pleading with me, he thought I was lying.

"I'm not lying Edward." My anger flared. The only flame I felt in my throat was the one that told me to get up and storm out. What the heck was wrong with me???

"I didn't say you were." He watched me cautiously as I stood up and walked over to the window. "Bella?"

"Leave me alone, Edward" I growled at him. He didn't move.

Why did I growl at him? Why did I want to be alone? Why was I taking it out on Edward? He was only trying to look out for me!

"Her emotions are going insane at the moment. She's going to lose control any second." Jasper warned the others downstairs. I knew the if I heard it, Edward did too. He didn't move though.

"Edward get away from her" Esme instructed but he didn't move, he just stared.

Was I conflicted? Was I going to lose it? Maybe? Would that mean I would hurt Edward?

"Edward, seriously your reading this for yourself, get away from her before she harms you."

"She wont" he said full of conviction. I turned then to stare at him.

"You don't know that" Emmett stated.

"Yes I do. I trust her, like she trusted me." My mind was suddenly full of thousands of little flashback… the ones of Edward telling me he wasn't good enough or strong enough and I defied him every time and told him he was. That I knew he wouldn't hurt me even if he didn't. I was stubborn… yes… but I was right.

"Edwards that's… she's a new born, they have no control, you had control… eighty years of it not eight hours." Jasper's words only seemed to encourage him then, he took a step towards me.

"Ignore them. How are you feeling?" he asked softly.

I didn't want to fight, I wanted to hold Edward, to let him sooth me and just be with me. Why was I being so argumentative. Was Jasper right. Was this a new born thing.

"I'm not sure" I finally answered him. "I don't know why I'm arguing with you. I don't want to."

"I know, love"

"Wait, how can she admit that? She shouldn't be able to understand that?" Carlisle's voice was the next that caught my attention. I looked at the ground as if I could see through it down to where they stood.

Edward took another step closer to me. "Your like nothing we know."

"What do you mean?" I asked raising my head.

"Bella don't you see… your control… its not normal." he tried to explain but my self-conscious part didn't like being called not normal.

"WAIT… SO IM NOT NORMAL" I screeched at him, throwing a temper tantrum. "IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK OF ME… MAYBE I'LL NEVER BE" it hit me then that I wasn't acting like myself, so I forced my mouth shut and closed my eyes. After a moment I opened them to see Edward still watching me but the others were at the door, all looking completely amazed. "I don't like this part" I whispered as I looked at the floor.

I felt his cold finger under my chin as he lifted my face to his. "Do you realize how truly amazing you are?"

"What?" I asked my voice thick with sadness.

"You shouldn't have as much control as you do… Emmett's first tantrum left a clearing in the forest, the government put it down to some kind of earthquake. Rosalie's… it lasted days and we ended up having to chain her down. You don't want to know about mine…" he shook his head.

"You mean I'm doing well?" I asked as I looked up and took in all the others around me.

"Unbelievably well" Esme soft voice weaved across the room and into my ears. This was the first time I had ever had anyone tell me I was doing something better than someone else and mean it. I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face.

"Edwards right, she's like nothing we know" Carlisle spoke as he came to stand next to us. "I'm sorry we were having doubts, we just don't know what to expect…"

"I understand… but I would never hurt any of you…" Even I could hear the sadness that echoed off my words.

"I know you wouldn't." Edwards crooked smile appeared then and he held my face in his hands. He had that same mischievous grin that I had loved since the moment it appeared on his face the day in the meadow.

"What are you thinking?" I asked him flatly.

"That you need to stop your moaning and come hunting with me before Jasper over there explodes" he started laughing and I found that all I wanted to do was laugh with him, and so I did. It was the perfect way to break the tension and he knew it.

I nodded a yes as we took my hand and jumped through the open window, pulling me along behind him.

***

We returned from hunting a couple of hours later. It really wasn't hard once I knew what to do and watching Edward hunt had been like nothing I could have ever imagined. He was… perfect… as usual. I had to admit I didn't do too badly. At least my clothes had survived, that was until Edward had grabbed me and kissed me intensely. This whole lack of control thing wasn't too bad when it was pointed towards the right task and it also seemed that Edwards so-called control was lacking… after all he was the one that tore them straight from my body. It left me a little anxious as I walked towards my new home.

Edwards pants and his shirt had been the only things to survive for the both of us, so as he walked only in his boxers, I followed trying to cover certain areas with his shirt. He had laughed at me multiply times and a few times I saw the lust build in his eyes as he thought about going again but every time he seemed to change his mind. I knew why. Like me, he knew his shirt wouldn't survive the next round.

As we walked into the house, the others thankfully had given us some space and we didn't bump into anyone, however I couldn't block out the wolf-whistles and booming laughter coming from the distance. Emmett. Only he could make a vampire blush.

I had just gotten changed when I heard the sharp screams of my name. I looked towards Edward who had been watching me intensely as I dressed. His face was a mask of pain and defeat. What ever Alice had seen, he had too and apparently it was bad. I did all I could to keep calm but I needed to know. I flung myself around and headed for the stairs flying down them at vampire speed until I was able to grab Alice and ask her myself.

"They're coming for you!" It wasn't a joke, her voice held no hint of it. The warning was clear and the defeat on her face was a clear as Edwards.

Edwards arms wrapped around me now, as he pulled me tightly against him, as if shielding me from some unseen force.

"Who, Alice?" Jasper asked the question I was trying to get out but couldn't seem to.

Alice looked at Edward and it was him that gave me the answer I need. The panic was clear as he whispered the words "The Volturi"

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Thanks to everyone who reviewed. You all are amazing and you make my day.


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